Features: Magazine | Literary Review | Life | Metro Plus | Open Page | Education Plus | Book Review | Business | SciTech | Friday Review | Young World | Property Plus | Quest | Folio |

Bringing up father

Fathers must express their love for their children, says FIONA SCOTT

CHIP OFF THE OLD BLOCK Father can be a role model for his child Photo: S. Mahinsha

"My best childhood memories consist of the time I spent with my father," says 26-year-old Natasha. Research over the years has shown that fathers are more likely to teach their children physical competence, spirit of adventure, new skills and assertiveness.

Those who have had close, positive experiences with their father are likely to take control of their lives, show better adjustment with their peers and also adapt to change and stressful situations better. Absence of a father, as research states, might lead to lower IQ scores, a decline in academic performance, delinquency and a difficulty in handling aggression.

This does not mean that children, who do not have a supportive father figure in their lives, grow up to be maladjusted. Single mothers or father substitutes can do an equally good job of parenting and bringing up mentally well-adjusted individuals.

What then are those attributes that prove to be vital in a child's development? Read on...

Expressing love

All fathers love their children, but many fathers are unable to express this love. It could be that they do not know how to, or they feel uncomfortable about physically expressing their love for their children. Some feel that their children will think them too soft and will not obey them as a result.

Many adults grow up wishing for a hug from their father or a few words that express a dad's love for his children. Fathers who have difficulty finding the right words to say could express it in a thoughtful note, a warm hand-shake or a even a smile. It does mean a great deal to the child.

You can do it

A word of encouragement or praise from a father spurs a child on or even an adult to do things that may seem difficult.

"My father used to send me inspiring short notes and poems while I was in college," remembers 30-year-old Shalini. "They gave me encouragement and support during the most difficult times," she recalls.

Setting boundaries

Much as children exclaim that they abhor rules and regulations, a father's discipline is something that keeps them firmly rooted to the ground and gives them a sense of security. Discipline that is fair and just and implemented with the intention to teach rather than punish is more effective in the long run.

Lead by example

According to Clarence Budinton Kelland, "My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it."

Children and teenagers learn best by example. So even if you spend an hour talking to your son about being responsible, he will learn better just by watching you. If you want him to apologise, he should watch you apologising to someone.

Be involved

Spending time with your child need not take all the time in the world. Sometimes it is enough to be involved in the daily acts of living.

Telling them a short story, watching an interesting TV programme together, discussing a school project or even the latest pop sensation.

Nothing can be worse than breaking a promise. So be careful and make promises that you can keep.

All children make mistakes, a father who is there to tell you it is okay and encourages you to try again certainly wins a special place in the heart of his young son or daughter.

Finally, according to Bill Cosby, well known for his advice on parenting, "Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home."

Printer friendly page  
Send this article to Friends by E-Mail