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Pass, present and future

Blood, sweat and tears are not enough for a college seat. Sometimes students have to pay with their lives. With the season of results, it's tense-time for students and parents

Dread words. Percentage, percentile, cut off list, aggregate, mains, first list, second list... .waiting, waiting, waiting... Well the waiting is finally over, and the pain has just begun.

If they had a flag, it would have flown at half-mast. A distraught mother bewails the fact that all hopes of her son doing medicine are dashed.

Why? Because he has scored only 95 per cent in his higher secondary examinations. A girl wonders if life is really worth living — because her score is a pitiful 93 per cent.

Elsewhere, someone has scored 75 per cent and all hell has broken loose. Every move of his is watched with eagle eyes.

The grandmother starts every time her grandson moves out of her line of vision and the parents speak in hushed tones. The television relentlessly spews statistics of the number of suicides and flashes numbers of counselling centres.

The numbers game

Is there really life beyond test scores? Apparently not.

And being in a country that has some dozens of `boards' ( like the ICSE the State schools and the CBSE) has made things more complicated.

While one child is inconsolable that he has scored `only 90 per cent' another child has to contend for a seat in a college with only 70 per cent in his kitty. Why? Because, one board awards more marks and is easier, and the other board is tougher, and therefore marks are difficult to come by.

How much do you love your child? With all your heart? Prove it. Shell out a handful of lakhs and you have engineering or a medical seat to gift him or her.

If your love doesn't extend to begging, borrowing, stealing or bleeding your life's savings dry, then settle for a heart-broken, frustrated child whose self-esteem is zero and who is possibly marked for life.

All along you have been telling your children that hard work always bears fruit and never goes waste.

Believing you, they have slogged and pored over their books for the last two years.

And now that is not good enough to get them a college education. Suddenly, they are not rich enough, not bright enough or not of the right caste.

And the round of accusations and excuses begin.

`You did not study enough', `there was no proper tuition available', `the school was not supportive, `teachers did not complete the syllabus, `the questions were way too difficult', `someone said that those who correct board papers do so in abysmal conditions and are poorly paid and so they are indifferent to how they carry out the corrections' and so on...

Unfriendly

Why is education so unfriendly to students? It is students Vs the system rather than the system for the students. The aim of examinations seems to be to trick students into making mistakes and tripping them up. Resentment and fear are the key emotions.

While a minuscule number of students sail through with nary a care in the world and settle in comfortably into reputed educational institutions, or go abroad, the rest compromise, adjust and reconcile themselves into becoming also-rans.

Dr P.N Suresh, Director, institute of mental health and neuro science, Kozhikode, explains what goes through the mind of students at a stressful time as this.

There is high competition. Added to this is the fact that this stage is a turning point in students' lives and the pressure intensifies.

Stress

This stress and anxiety manifests itself in many ways. Sometimes, it is just physical where sleeplessness and headaches become commonplace.

Sometimes there are adjustment problems.

These lead to lack of concentration and inability to retain anything in the mind.

To tackle this and in order to keep awake students often drink too much of coffee and take to smoking. And in some cases, even seek recourse to drugs.

In an extreme case this pressure could lead to suicidal tendencies. Children could overdose or slit their wrists, which is nothing but a way of getting the parents' attention, a cry for help.

Often, extreme anxiety leads to what is called the Avoidant reaction. This is when the person refuses to acknowledge a problem or confront it and would rather avoid it. Not wanting to appear for exams is a case in point.

* * *

How can you tackle it?

Dr. D. Srinivasan, Psychiatrist with KMCH, has this to say to parents and students to tackle the issue:

While there are a few words and phrases that have been so overused that they have lost their impact, it is still important that the parents say it to their children.

"We love you and support you no matter what. You are more important than your performance."

To students, he says

* Let things go

*Focus on the solution rather than the problem

* Accept that you can't change the rules of the game

*Do not indulge in a blame game

*Take responsibility for your actions

Most importantly —

Feeling suicidal? Do not take any decision in haste.

It could be just a knee-jerk reaction. Wait it out, you will feel differently after a week. If you take your life, there is no second chance.

It is very important to have a support network.

It could be parents, teachers or friends. If that doesn't work, seek professional help.

PANKAJA SRINIVASAN

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