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Standing tall

Nurture self-esteem in your child, says Fiona Scott

HEAD HELD HIGH A child with self-esteem can go a long way

Some people grow up feeling that they are not worthy of anybody's love, liking or trust. This persistent, nagging feeling that never seems to go away is one of the major causes of depression and suicide in childhood and adulthood.

Children who grow up with a lack of self-esteem hardly ever reach their full potential unless a professional or a caring adult helps them.

What then are the roots of low self-esteem? Negative childhood experiences, excessive criticism by either parent, or never receiving any genuine praise from significant relationships. All these factors contribute in some measure to low self-esteem in a child and this pattern continues until he or she becomes an adult.

Self-esteem is basically a person's sense of self-worth and value. It is also the opinion that he has of himself.

All children are born with a natural sense of self-worth and generally a very high self-esteem. This natural barrier is torn down by adults who excessively criticise every action or thought of the child until the child begins to feel that he is not worthy of being loved.

Parents can create a normal sense of well being in a child and consequently a high self esteem. Here's how:

Understanding self-esteem

A child can see right through praise that is not genuine. So avoid praising your child to the skies because that results in a child who is greedy for praise and compliments and cannot work without it.

So praise should be genuine and timed appropriately. Some parents may think that praise makes children conceited. This is true only when the praise is in excess and unnecessary.

Be consistent

When you praise a child for an achievement, see that you praise her every time she achieves something. If the praise is inconsistent, it may lead her to think that the praise was not genuine and this may lead to insecurity.

Appreciating differences

Each child is different when it comes to temperament and ability. What one child may achieve in 10 days, the other may achieve in a month. This does not mean that the effort put in is any different. Accept your child for what he is and not what you want him to be. Encourage him to do better instead of focussing on his wrongdoing.

Children are extremely sensitive to the different ways in which their siblings are treated. So, though it is always not possible, try to praise all your children equally without comparing them with one another.

Self-esteem and child abuse

There is a significant correlation between low self-esteem and child sexual abuse.

A child who has a high self worth is more likely to report sexual abuse to a concerned parent, whereas a child with low self-esteem will blame herself, feel guilty for no fault of hers and in all probability hide this negative experience from everyone.

A common mistake

Parents today are sometimes overly conscious of giving children respect. What they forget is to ask for respect in return. The result is an over confident child who has no respect for his parents, only for himself. So teach them to respect in return and that respect is always a two-way street.

Self-acceptance

Peer pressures, excessive negative criticism, perfect body images on television are issues that teenagers are struggling with today. This is more so for girls who feel pressurised to conform or feel left out of a group because they don't fit the requirements of the group.

Teach them to accept themselves for what they are and once they do that, others have no choice but to accept them. Involve them in team sports and activities so that they can discover their talents and abilities as well learn to socialise with their peers in a healthy manner.

If they realise that that they have a talent, something they are good at, it increases their sense of self- worth.

Children of this millennium are growing up in an increasingly demanding world. They need to be successful not only in their professional lives but also as individuals in a family. A positive self-image is one of the tools that will help them to face any challenge that life throws to them.

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