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A silver visit
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How can NRI children make life simple for their parents when they come home visiting?
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The life expectancy in India has been pushed up to 62, and today, the silver group rocks! It is a common sight to see svelte grandmas accompanying their grandkids to the gym and the swimming pool and even the discos. Gone are the days when parents sat quietly in their easy chairs in an empty house, with a piece of knitting, or before a TV screen, dozing off now and then in sheer boredom.
Past 60 and they are all pretty youthful with or without Botox. They incorporate an exercise regime, diet sensibly and as a result, have more energy than they bargained for. They channel this energy into travel, having the money to spend and do so without any trace of guilt, without the "I-have-to-leave-it-to-my-children" syndrome.
Most of the NRI children heave a sigh of relief to see their active parents, but suffer guilt pangs at their having to fend for themselves. So what can be better than inviting the old folks to spend a few months with them in a foreign country? One tends to be delusional about the fitness of one's parents as looks can be deceptive, and there is no denying that ageing bodies need a certain amount of nurturing and comfort.
Vital adjustments
Parents stay with their children for as long as four months or even longer, and it makes sense to ensure vital adjustments to a user-friendly home.
If you live in an independent home, with a small flight of steps leading to the main door, is a handrail provided? It is worth installing one, for you might need it sooner than you think. Is your house a split-level construction? The visitors have to be warned to watch their step and if the colours of the different levels are not contrasted, stick a coloured tape on one of the levels. If you are the kind who loves low seating with scatter cushions and the like, remember, it is not ideal for creaking bones and arthritic problems. Have at least a couple of comfortable chairs with backrest and cushions, and not too low please!
If the parents are staying a length of time and if you can afford the space, a room to themselves makes all the difference. Everyone values a little privacy! Moreover, we all get a little disoriented for a while in new surroundings for temporary living and a cupboard space allotted in the room makes life easier for the older visitors instead of their living off a suitcase and bending double to take out things.
There was one mother who told me quite frankly that she did not like visiting her son, because the bathroom frightened her.
First, there was the challenge of getting into the bathtub. Having got there for a bath, positioned herself sitting down, she could not hoist herself up easily, as there were no handles or anything she could hold on to. As for the taps, they were so complicated and one morning she was terrorised as she opened the hot water tap by mistake and could not close it soon enough.
You cannot, of course, hammer handrails into your bathrooms just because your parents are coming, but make sure there is a chair in the bathroom or something to hold on to. Place bath mats with a tape underneath to prevent slipping.
One of our very considerate young friends said she made her parents bathe outside of the bathtub and placed a bucket of hot water with a mug along with a stool.
She said it was a small price to pay to mop up the water later rather than have them risk a fall in the bathtub.
Reversal of lifestyle
Four or five sets of parents whom I interviewed expressed that they loved visiting their NRI children (the bigger attraction being grandchildren) but it meant a total reversal of lifestyle and a period of adjusting. Not being able to drive a car, say in the U.S., and with bus services non-existent in certain cities like L.A., mobility is affected, and even if public transport is available, where does one go? The easy dropping in on friends as is the custom in India is understandably frowned upon in a culture where the young people are busy from morning to night and the children if they are older have their own interests and friends.
Ideally, the parents should take their "hobbies" along with them, like books, embroidery kits, paints and brush, or a lap top if they like to write. The women are easily occupied, as they automatically enter the kitchen, take charge if necessary and cook all the favourite family dishes. A man needs his TV programmes, the Sports, the News Channels and, of course, an Indian News Channel which tells him what is going on in India.
Planning to do projects with grandchildren works wonderfully and is rewarding.
With the younger people making all those things happen for you, come on, life cannot be so distressing. Love is what makes the world go round, and if your children show you a lot of it and open their doors for you and try to make you comfortable, stop cribbing and enjoy yourself while you can, and beat the drab routine and daily drudgery.
SABITA RADHAKRISHNAN
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