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Perishing through perfection

Perfectionism need not be a winning factor. Striving for excellence rather than perfection must be the aim

PHOTO: V. GANESAN

PICTURE PERFECT Perfectionists remain a frustrated lot.

Do you always strain to be perfect in everything you do? Do you feel that whatever you attempt should be meticulous without any slips, errors, inaccuracies etc? And are you only satisfied when others comment that that you have done an excellent job? Well, then its time to overhaul yourself. For, the craving to be prefect can be a stumbling block towards progress as it very often leads to procrastination. By dragging your feet you not only end up unfinished, but you may also not even start due to striving for flawlessness. Perfectionism thus has become synonymous with putting off, delays and missed deadlines.

Perfectionism is wrongly viewed as desirable and a crucial winning factor. However, trying to be perfect interferes in success as you feel you must give more than 100 per cent for all your efforts. Ironically, the anxiety to be perfect ultimately makes you achieve far less due to its inhibiting factor. Thus, in work areas thus it reduces efficiency and productivity.

Affecting relationships

"I have come across many perfectionists in my personal and professional lives. Perfectionists make life miserable not only for themselves but also for others around them. However bright and intelligent they are, they fail to be satisfied with themselves. They always complain and find fault with their attempts and to top it all they leave their work incomplete due to anxiety. They are a frustrated lot and their temperament affects relationships," opines Dr. Krishnakumari of Amrita Institute of Medical Sciences, Kochi.

Perfectionists are those who feel they are only valued for their achievements and not for the person they really are. They struggle to be the best, the ideal and the supreme. They feel it is unacceptable to make a mistake. Living life with a set of strict, moralistic views they judge themselves through the approval of others. Nothing they do is ever good enough. This makes them hypersensitive towards even harmless and healthy criticism. Thus as an armour of protection from rejection and disapproval they decide to do things perfectly and impeccably or never to do it at all.

Constant anxiety

Poothatta Narayanan, a septuagenarian says, "perfectionists achieve nothing due to anxiety. I knew a brilliant Ayurveda doctor whom everyone approached for advice and guidance, as he was known for his knowledge and wisdom. But he was scared to treat patients fearing that he might falter in his treatment. There are also men who remain chronic bachelors seeking vainly for the perfect bride. One should never attempt anything with perfection in mind. For perfectionism actually doesn't exist."

The fear of mistakes, failure, and disapproval causes nervousness. Everything should be either perfect or imperfect, nothing in between. Struggling to be spotlessly on target, for even the smallest task, saps perfectionists of all energy and resources.

They waste a lot of time agonising over irrelevant matter. Bogged down by such self-defeating thoughts perfectionists thus miss out a great deal on chances and opportunities to learn and grow. The nagging feeling to be immaculate and the failure associated with it leads to harsh self-judgment. Lack of self-confidence and low self-assurance thus set in followed by pessimism, frustration and depression.

Ultimately the yearning for perfection leads to loss of spontaneity and creativity.

Madan Pillai, a young shipping executive has this to say: "Perfectionists are always an aggravated lot as they are very picky and finicky. Their thinking is irrational as nobody can be perfect. I have come across homemakers who are obsessed with cleanliness and orderliness. They create familial tension for they flare up when things are not maintained in a prim and proper fashion in their homes. Many youngsters too today infatuated with looks struggle to look perfect. They are always preening before the mirror at the slightest opportunity adjusting their clothes or putting back that strand of hair back in its proper place. This behaviour paradoxically has a negative effect on friends and admirers."

Learning to relax

The basic step to overcome perfectionism is to relax and let go of your stern and rigorous outlook of yourself. Being humane means making mistakes, slip-ups, errors etc. Learn from these omissions instead of considering them as blunders that ruin you. When a project is underhand focus on what is being done than fretting and worrying about the end result.

For, it is this killing worry about the outcome that is dangerous and hampers your resourcefulness. If you err, bounce back immediately before it takes a toll on you. If you feel that things are going terribly wrong ask yourself whether the goal you set is realistic or within your capacity and limit them accordingly.

Hard work is admirable. Our motto in life should always be to better ourselves.

Great inventors slogged and toiled ceaselessly to make their dreams to come true. But unlike perfectionists they were unperturbed by mistakes and were willing to risk failure. Striving for excellence and not perfection should be our aim. For remember 100 per cent perfection is just an illusion.

HEMJIT BHARATHAN

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