Features: Magazine | Literary Review | Life | Metro Plus | Open Page | Education Plus | Book Review | Business | SciTech | Friday Review | Young World | Property Plus | Quest | Folio |

Dad and superdad

Do men make better grandpas than dads?

PHOTO: K.R. DEEPAK

SECOND TIME ROUND Tomorrow is Father's Day

When little Puttu gurgles, grandpa Rangappa is next to him, instead of spending time at the local bar with his gang of auto driver friends. "He never used to come home early, and he has hardly ever looked after our children, but now he's ready to do anything for his grandchild, even take him to hospital for check-ups," informs Padma, the young grandmother who works as a domestic help.

Do dads get better when they become granddads?

I'm not sure. I have an excellent father. He did all the things that I think fathers should do. Took care of us, played with us, told us stories, did not tell us all the stressful moments he may have had at work, and allowed us to dream and think and grow as individuals rather than as chips off the old block. His grandchildren say he is a wonderful thatha. No comparison.

Grandparenting is serious work. It's a commitment. Many grandparents think it is their duty to impart the values that have helped them through life. Here's an American grandpa who takes his position very sincerely: "I began writing to the grandchildren when they were foetuses. Yes, I know it sounds crazy but there is a real commitment on my part to their knowing me. So, with my word processor fired up, the letters began. Several times a month they receive a letter. Each time, I try to impart some wisdom," writes Jim Caccamo, director of the Metropolitan Council on Early Learning, Kansas City, on www.fathers.com

In the old joint families, there were several fathers, sometimes several grandfathers too, living under the same roof. So when it came to parenting, biological fathers had less to do since the duties were shared.

"But I was a better father than I am a grandfather," asserts retired engineer V.R. Bhuvaraghavan, father of four. "As a father I could do more for my children. In the Sixties, there was very little pressure of any sort, and I enjoyed caring for my children, making it a point to spend the evenings with them. Even though the mother took care of home, I took care of the maintenance department. Today's fathers have very little time for their children and home, and we as grandfathers are unable to step in and do what a father ought to do," says the man who is quite independent at 80. "I'm planning to ask each of my children and grandchildren to write a few honest words on the subject `My Father' and `My Grandfather'. It would be interesting to see what they have to say about me!"

So do men make better fathers than grandfathers? "As a father, I don't think I had the time or the inclination to help my children much," says small-scale industrialist K.R. Natarajan. "We were on a learning curve ourselves... We hardly knew anything about finances, the job or how to manage all the new things in our lives. I think as a grandfather, I'm more relaxed, I think I can help the kids more," adds the grandfather, who continues to run his precision components industry, but gladly helps his grandson with his math.

When it comes to being a father, some men do get better with time, it seems.

MALA KUMAR

Printer friendly page  
Send this article to Friends by E-Mail