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Hey, dads just got better

The hands-on papa is a change from the original father figure

There is a new kind of father around. Gone are the days of the aloof, authoritarian figure who scared the living daylights out of children. New-Age dads with their hands-on approach are the latest in fathers. Look at most of the ads, in fact a recent one has a stereotype of the New-Age dad, with a baby sleeping on his chest, of his three roles, two are "manager" and "pillow". He has no qualms about doing whatever it takes to make the precious bundle comfortable. From changing nappies of cranky babies, he is in for the whole crazy ride called bringing up children. Mama waits for dad to get home and hand over the little one to him, and he is more than willing to baby-sit, for the baby is his too.

If in the past children were the favourite topic of discussion for women today it is so for men. Fathers proudly narrate the first words that the child utters or the first sentence the child strings together with the same attention to detail that would be the envy of a rocket scientist. Harried fathers who have been up the whole night trying to get cranky babies to sleep exchange notes in the workplace. "I have been up the whole night trying to get my daughter to sleep. She just refuses to sleep, and I am so sleepy and tired! But then I find consolation in the fact that a colleague deals with the twins," says Vineeth Naidoo, a media professional.

Sabu Joseph, a travel and tourism professional, runs round at nine in the morning looking for an open shop where he can get hair clips and bindis for his daughter's dance competition because his wife is busy with their young toddler. He ferries his daughter Susan for her rehearsals because his doctor wife is busy at work, and he also took half-day leave so that he did not miss the function that his daughter has been working so hard on. Upset tummies, high fever, Parent's Day, school uniforms, open house, dance competitions, school admissions are all part of the new dad's vocabulary. Nothing is infra dig.

"I cover the children's books, get their uniforms ready, help them with their school projects, attend open house... I do most of the things that have to be done for the children. And I do not think there is anything to be surprised about that. Most of the people (men) I know, who have kids, are totally clued in on what is going on with them," says Kabir Pulimood. In fact there are some favourite activities that some fathers like doing, "Bathing my daughter and getting her ready. My wife has work in the kitchen, therefore I have to chip in. But it is fun," says Sanjiv Kumar. On the flip side, says Kumar, "I offer to do one thing and I have ended up doing almost everything," but he is not complaining. The mothers are not complaining either. With nuclear families becoming the norm, both partners have to chip in. Says a relieved Priya, "My husband bathes our daughter and gets her ready for school. While I prepare her lunch, my daughter is all ready, thanks to my husband. It is a big help."

No, Papa has not become mama, he just got better.

(Some names have been changed to protect identities)

SHILPA NAIR ANAND

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