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With love, Papaji

Tomorrow is Father's Day. A new reality defines the father-child ties in these changing times

SAFE PERCH Fathers' roles have changed

Is there a tailor made role for a modern day papa? From being a provider, a protector, a guide, a friend to newfound roles of even playing mummy at times, the modern papa is pressed to be an efficient emotional juggler.

What then is the need of the hour in a father-child relationship?

"Today's kids are growing up with more burdens and expectations. Support them well and let them decide about themselves. We should not make their life too strenuous with additional expectations," says Sahadevan V., IT Manager in an MNC.

Guidance is an important aspect while bringing up a child. Opines Madhupal, cine actor and father of two daughters, "A father's duty lies in understanding the likes, dislikes, good and bad sides of the child's desires and guide him through the right path, simultaneously taking care of children's interest and taste in the matter." Today's demanding way of life forces fathers to keep track of their children's lives. "To make the child understand the oneness in the family should be the prime concern," feels Madhupal.

A friendly approach is certainly the most preferred choice. "Parental role between the ages six and 16 forms a lasting impression on young minds. From the age of 16, a friendly relationship is the best," feels Mohan who was always in awe of his father. He recollects, Severe punishment was the norm in his household.

But today the father-child relationship has come a long way and changed dramatically.

With increased pampering of children, meeting every requirement of theirs so as to keep them happy, is the order of the day. The distance has narrowed between father and son and also father and daughter, so much so that you see fathers-and sons or daughters smoking and drinking together. The emotional relationship between the father and the child has grown to a different level.

Competition is intense today. Social, physical and financial security needs are strongly felt because the family network is relatively weaker than before. Hence helping the child learn to face challenges of life is an important criterion and the father as the family head has a vital role. "It is probably a learning experience for my son not to be over dependent on others," says the father of an 18-year-old.

Fears abound, of the child going wayward under peer pressure and the new age tugs and pulls. So several fathers restrict their children from moving around or even watching TV at home. The result of having such over-strict fathers is often negative. Children love being with a father who is a trusted confidant.

Distance factor

Kochu, a housewife and mother of a 1-year-old, says, "My father is reserved while being friendly, to a certain extent. It was when I moved away from home, following marriage, that my father became closer to me." It's true, some fathers fear their children would consider showing affection as a part of their weakness. They fear the child would take undue advantage of such a situation.

"I talk about everything to my Dad except girls; a topic I discuss only with my mother," says Kiran , a 22-year old IT professional.

There tends to be a gap between the father and child, if both stay apart during the growing years of a child. When it comes to confiding in the father, children have reservations. Some believe there are secrets which can be shared only with friends, some only with parents and some others only with life partners. "Sharing of secrets should never be mixed up, because it will end you up in trouble," says Lijo.

So who then makes a perfect father? Well, there are no tailor made answers but a transparent relationship between the two with loads of understanding, guidance and love from the father will definitely crown him as the perfect papa.

(Some names have been changed to protect identities)

RESHMI JAIMON

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