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How does your child behave?

Take time to show your child you care. A warm hug and a kiss go a long way in making his growing up years magical, writes K. Jeshi

Is your child throwing tantrums at the drop of a hat? Does he bring the house down at every given opportunity? Don't panic. All you need to do is give him a hug. When children in those magical years of development (three to five years) resort to odd behaviour, watch out. It is a sign of unhappiness — a sort of cry for help.

"Spending quality time with children, giving them a warm hug and kiss is the key to handling the situation. What they need is love and affection and a sense of security," says Visalakshi Rajagopalan, coordinator, pre-school teachers training, Tamil Nadu Open University.

Warning bells

A behavioural problem is a vulnerable child's own way of reacting to a difficult situation. Consider the case of Sudhir, a U.K.G. student. From day one at school, he refused to write, tore pages from his notebook, did not listen to instructions by teachers, and was always found to trouble his deskmate.

"He always sported a lost look. When we spoke to his parents, we understood that it was because of `sibling rivalry', says Visalakshi.

They recently had a second baby and Sudhir's mother was all set to leave for Bangalore with his sibling. Sudhir was to be left with his grandparents here to continue his education. He refused to accept this fact and changed his behaviour. He became aggressively demanding and unhappy about the whole situation. This has also aggravated his stammering.

"In such cases, the onus is on the mother to prepare the first child to accept the second. They should talk to them about it from the beginning so that the child longs to see the infant, instead of feeling jealous," she adds.

Visalakshi, who also counsels children and parents, quotes another example of submissive behaviour where a child started clinging to the teacher and did whatever she expected. "The reason was a strained relationship between his parents. He chose to withdraw from the situation." "Children also express negative feelings by rolling on the floor, refusing to dress and avoiding food. They also harm other children by biting them and by hitting," she adds. Children turning aggressive or timid also depends on the environment, social setting and cultural background, and bonding with the immediate family members and peer groups. "Parents should be aware as to how to behave when children misbehave. Mechanical parenting will not do. Spending quality time is more important than buying expensive gifts and clothes," says Hema Ravikrishnan, principal, Shree Baldevdas Kikani Vidyamandir Matriculation School, and president of the Indian Association for Pre-School Education.

Usually, parents are quite overprotective about their children, especially when it is their only child.

Unfavourable comparisons with neighbouring kids, too much of scolding, spanking, excessive punishment or failure to encourage the child with a pat even when warranted also add to the problem.

"Young parents with a single child who live in a nuclear family depend on professional help because they are cut off from the older generation. The best solution is to discuss the problem among family members — uncles, aunts and grandmothers. Some children resort to thumb sucking when there is a break in love and affection. Introducing the kid to a playgroup and keeping his fingers engaged in activities will solve the problem," adds Visalakshi.

Busy parents and lack of grandparents at home have turned play schools into the only place where kids can let out their pent-up emotions. "Playschools are the training ground for children; so what we require is a balanced culture — the goodness of Western education and Indian values. Education and access to study materials on parenting has brought about a change. A lot of fathers want to be part of the growing-up years of the child, but awareness should reach the middle class and lower middle class parents too," adds Hema.

Looking after a child is not an easy task as it is perceived to be, says S. S. Jayalakshmi, director of the Pre-School Teacher Training Course and Correspondent of Vidya Vikasini Institutions.

"The initial years are crucial in the development of a child. Their physical, social and emotional needs should be taken care of. Anyone who handles the child during this period needs to know the learning methods to be adopted. Children need a lot of space to move around, to draw, to paint and to give shape to their imagination. They have to do a lot of cutting and pasting activities for fine motor development. To develop gross motor equilibrium, they need to play in a jungle gym, seesaw or swing."

That way, there is a bit of sunshine in pre-school education with newer methods for training pre-schoolers.

Talking about the level of stress in children, she says children are stressed out when they are compelled to do things.

"Behavioural problems like thumb sucking, temper tantrums and sibling rivalry are their way of expressing dissatisfaction. A child-friendly, age-appropriate activity that looks at holistic development (physical, emotional and cognitive) of a child is the solution," adds Jayalakshmi.

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