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Partnership deals?

Despite education and awareness, why aren't we shying away from dowry?

PHOTO: REUTERS

THE ORIGINS The caste hierarchy ingrained in the social fabric led to the dowry system

When Anu stepped into her husband's home as a newlywed, she had expected a smooth run. A happy married life was her biggest dream. A life where everyone in her husband's family would be her friends, and her husband her soul mate.

But reality was harsh on Anu. Barely a month after tying the knot, her husband's family started troubling her for more dowry. Soon her romantic dreams were just ashes.

This story is not just of Anu, Amy or Anjuman but also of lakhs of young girls whose life turns bitter thanks to a consumerist society's avarice for dowry. Dowry, dahej or hunda, as we all know is paid in cash and/or kind by the bride's family.

The word hunda appears to have been derived from handa, meaning pot. This could be due to the now extinct practice of offering dowry in a pot.

The origin

Anthropologists have suggested that marriage payments are one of the ways in which cultures expand social relations between communities by exchanging gifts. Sociologists are of the opinion that the caste hierarchy ingrained in the social fabric was what led to the origin of the dowry system. In those days among higher castes, to whom no manual labour was assigned, a marriage meant an additional member who was to be supported and hence was a burden on the groom's family as the wife did not go out to earn and contribute to the family income. Thus, a dowry was collected to provide for the additional burden. Mangalore is no exception to this practice. Certain communities where large dowries were alien, are now demanding huge sums. Amounts can reach crores, depending on the educational qualifications of the groom.

Merlin, Director of DEEDS, an NGO dealing with women's problems, gives some interesting insights happening in the city. She says: "Dowry problem has a different facet in Mangalore. Though bride-burning cases don't occur here, we get many cases on dowry harassment. Dowry and dowry harassment are two different concepts, although they stem from one important factor of present times — consumerism."

However, there are some young people who are dead against this practice. "I am ashamed to say that our so-called modern society unabashedly sanctions giving and taking of dowry," feels Nithin, a marketing professional. Subash, a hotel management student, says: "All the big talk of women's empowerment will go under the drain. Until and unless dowry system is completely wiped out, society cannot be said to be progressive". Says Sharada, a computer science student: "I will definitely not marry someone who asks for dowry and I know my parents will support my decision."

Mitthu Shetty, HR Manager with a construction company, who has a neutral stand on the issue, says: "It may either guarantee a good life or not. The same applies to not giving dowry too." Says educationist Anjali Ganesh: "I strongly condemn the dowry system. It is like commercialising marriage. The sanctity of the relationship is lost when dowry is asked and given."

Sameera has an interesting take on the situation: "When a guy asks dowry, he is like selling himself. Once he takes dowry, he should live with his wife and her parents as he becomes their property. The day men start realising how it is to live under the wife's terms and conditions and fear mistreatment by the spouse and in-laws, all dowry problems will vanish." As Merlin puts it: "There is awareness about the problem, but not an attitudinal change." She says that if property inheritance laws in certain communities are revised (in favour of women), it could be one of the clear-cut solutions to the rampant problem.

In certain African and West Asian societies, there is no dowry. Instead, there is a bride price which the groom has to pay. In these communities (they include some tribal people in our country too), the loss of a productive member of the family must be compensated by the man who is wedding her. Maybe there's a lesson to be learnt here.

AMRITA NAYAK

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