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Dad and superdad
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Do men make better grandpas than dads?
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SECOND TIME ROUND Grandparenting is serious business
When little Puttu gurgles, grandpa Rangappa is next to him, instead of spending time at the local bar with his auto driver friends.
"He never used to come home early, and he has hardly ever looked after our children, but now he's ready to do anything for his grandchild, even take him to hospital for check-ups," says Padma, the young grandmother who works as a domestic help.
Do dads get better when they become granddads?
I'm not sure. I have a great father.
He did all the things that fathers are expected to do. Took care of us, played with us, told us stories, did not tell us all the stressful moments he may have had at work, and allowed us to dream and think and grow up as individuals rather than as chips off the old block.
His grandchildren say he is a wonderful thatha. No comparison.
A commitment
Grandparenting is serious work. It's a commitment.
Many grandparents think it is their duty to impart the values that have helped them through life.
Here's an American grandpa who takes his job very sincerely: "I began writing to the grandchildren when they were just foetuses. Yes, I know it sounds crazy but there is a real commitment on my part. So, with my word processor fired up, the letters began. Several times a month they receive a letter. Each time, I try to impart some wisdom," writes Jim Caccamo, director of the Metropolitan Council on Early Learning, Kansas City, on www.fathers.com
In joint families, there were several fathers, sometimes several grandfathers too, living under the same roof. So when it came to parenting, biological fathers had less to do since the duties were shared.
"But I was a better father than I am a grandfather," asserts retired engineer V. R. Bhuvaraghavan, father of four.
"As a father, I could do more for my children. In the 1960s, there was not much pressure, and I enjoyed caring for my children, making it a point to spend the evenings with them. Even though their mother took care of home, I took care of the maintenance department. Today's fathers have very little time for their children and home, and we grandfathers are unable to step in and do what a father ought to do," says the man who is quite independent at 80.
"I'm planning to ask each of my children and grandchildren to write a few honest words on the subject `My Father' and `My Grandfather'. It would be interesting to see what they have to say about me."
So do men make better fathers than grandfathers?
"As a father, I don't think I had the time or the inclination to help my children much," says businessman K. R. Natarajan.
"We were on a learning curve ourselves. We hardly knew anything about finances, the job or how to manage all the new things in our lives. I think as a grandfather, I'm more relaxed, I think I can help the kids more," he says.
When it comes to being a father, some men do get better with time, it seems.
MALA KUMAR
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