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Parents, get back to school
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What's the point in complaining about the behaviour of kids today? After all, they pick it up from us adults, points out Aparna Karthikeyan
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PHOTO: SANDEEP SAXENA
YOUNG AND IMPRESSIONABLE Kids are quick to imitate their parents. So don't blame them entirely if they show disagreeable adult traits
Who wouldn't want to be a kid today? They get the best things their parents' money can buy — toys, books, games, computers, clothes, food and entertainment. As a generation, they're precocious, smart and clearly on their way to achieve much more than we did...
But wait. Before you wrap up saying pleasant things about them (gifted, clever, genius... ) and roll the credits, they're also supposed to be, on the other hand, rude, arrogant and selfish. And their language, why, it could easily make a longshoreman blush! Far from being universally loved, there is a consensus amongst a certain section of society — clear-headed, thinking individuals and not the cantankerous Mr. Wilson types — that today's kids are spoiled, pampered and insolent lot who talk inappropriately and too much.
Typically, parents and elders react predictably when any mention is made about their kids' behaviour. They roll their eyes and look exasperated (or look as if they've won a free trip to Disneyland, depending on their EQ — etiquette quotient, that is). Or talk about the good old days when kids were absolute angels. Some pretend it's not their kid, play the blame game, and pass the buck on television. We thought it might help to ask a few people.
How did they get that way?
Sumathi Sudhakar, a children's writer, says to understand why today's kids are the way they are, we have to understand how we are. "We are part of a go-getter culture, where bold is beautiful. Be aggressive, thrust yourself forward, speak your mind and get your way — aren't these the mantras we follow in our lives and careers? How can we then expect our kids to be any different?"
Vaani Anand, a management consultant, feels kids are being plain innocent. "They just imitate what they hear from adults! When adults do not mind their language, is it right to expect kids not to learn from us?"
Agrees Rajalakshmi Anand, a lecturer. "In the mad survival-of-the-fittest race, do parents even have the time to instil values in their kids? Are we as parents setting an example by showing tolerance towards our own parents? Isn't it a trifle unfair expecting our children to be embodiments of virtue?"
No sharing
Sumathi elaborates that even in two-children households, kids don't have the opportunity to share. "Parents no longer buy a box of crayons and ask their kids to share it. They get them one box each. So how will they learn to share?" she asks.
While it's obvious that parents play a great role, there are several other factors that influence impressionable minds. Shoba Raman, a teacher in a leading school (who also had the opportunity to observe kids in Vermont, where she had been on a Fulbright teacher's exchange programme) says: "The media, peer group, home atmosphere, school and what they do for recreation... everything counts. Why, the peer influence we experienced in our late teens has started working at 10! The way they dress, talk, even the games they play have to be cool enough among their friends."
And now, to get back on track...
If only it were as simple as throwing a switch and changing tracks. But well, since it isn't, how does one go about it? Everybody agrees that home is where the change should begin. But Vaani cautions against enforcing rules or dictating terms. "A casual approach will work better." Adds Sumathi: "Especially as we are more friends than parents-on-a-pedestal, which is a good thing in many ways."
"Today's generation hates hypocrisy or any indirect approach. `Tell me if you have a problem with me' is their favourite line," says Vaani.
Sumathi feels that living the values (at home) is the best way of imparting them. "Talking about it at school, encouraging debate, introspection and enquiry is another great way to get the message across."
"Since kids spend almost three-quarters of a day at school, it's a good place to teach them the right and the wrong," agrees Rajalakshmi.
Ambitious parents
Shoba cites those ambitious parents who want their child to excel in everything he does. "Kids are pressured about `winning', `being the best' in academics as well as sports; with so many factors working on them, how do you expect a child to react? I'm sure they would ask us the same question," she reasons. Going easy on kids should definitely help.
The solution, it seems, isn't too difficult, except that it has to start with us — parents and elders. (A tad embarrassing, perhaps, to be told to watch your words/actions/attitude when you're, er... that old.)
But as Sumathi reasons: "Kids are largely reflecting the spirit of the age, which isn't sowing the right values. Isn't it time then we watched our own step, critiqued our own lifestyle and mended our ways?"
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