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Stepping into the world

As children leave their homes for higher studies, these tips would stand them in good stead

ON THEIR OWN Let your children fly high when they are ready to leave the nest

Your daughter has just finished school. She is all set to put her best foot forward and step into what you think is the big bad world. The college is far away from home and you have mixed feelings about letting her go. On the one hand, you can't help feeling proud that your little girl is on the way to fulfilling her dreams, and on the other, you want to keep her in your care forever.

Leaving home for the first time can be stressful for a child as well as a parent. Your child is thrilled at her new found freedom and at the same time she is afraid to leave the warmth and security of her home. There are probably a thousand things that you want to tell her and advise her about.

Here are a few guidelines that will be of help to you and your child.

Homesickness

As it happens with many young adults, they are gripped with a feeling of homesickness and many return, leaving the very institution they worked so hard to get into. Finding friends who are in similar situations and talking to them helps cope with homesickness. You can also be encouraging and supportive by listening and reminding your child how hard he worked to get there.

Ragging

Although ragging has been banned in many colleges, it does occur discreetly and in such a way that the authorities do not have any knowledge about it. Their first reaction is to think about leaving college. Explain to your child that if the ragging doesn't upset or hurt him, he should not take it seriously. On the other hand, if he feels humiliated and threatened, he should inform the authorities and let them take the necessary action.

Maintaining their focus

College life can be fun and many students do get carried away with all the excitement. Advise them to prioritise their activities. Studies should be their first priority and they should plan all their activities keeping in mind that at the end of the course, they should be happy with their results. Making a timetable and sticking to it is a good way to start.

Money matters

Familiarise your child with the working of a bank before he leaves home. Ask him to maintain an account of his finances and send you a statement of how he has spent his allowance. This is to ensure that he understands the value of money and budgets his expenditure. It will also ensure that your hard earned money is not being spent recklessly.

Peer pressure

This is a stage when peer pressure is at its peak. He will feel the urge to conform to his peers just to belong to the group. This is also the stage when young adults feel the desire to experiment with smoking, alcohol and drugs. The threat of AIDS is very real. Explain to your child that sometimes saying `NO' can save his life. The negative effects of smoking, hallucinogens and alcohol are many and you can take the help of your family doctor or even books to explain this to your child before he leaves. Sometimes the sight of lung cancer or mouth cancer can kill the desire to try out smoking. Saying no may make him unpopular but he will feel good that he stood up for what he feels is right.

Keeping in touch

Keeping in touch with your child through letters, e-mail and telephone will help you maintain the close bond that you have always shared. However one should be careful not to interfere too much as it will lead to a loss of independence. Although your child is away, his security lies in the thought that you will always be there for support and encouragement. And it is this thought that takes him through the ups and downs of life, not only in college but throughout his life.

FIONA SCOTT

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