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Keep the flame alive

What do couples married for 50 years or more have to say about marriage?

It is the same old love story. A few years into marriage and love is out of the window. Never has this been truer than it is today with divorces and separations on the rise. Nothing is more complicated and incomprehensible than love. Sustaining it in the long-term is tricky. Love needs to be navigated and steered in the right direction if it has to last. So how do couples married for forty to fifty years keep the flame of love burning? Parvathy and Narayanan who are celebrating the golden jubilee of their wedding feel certain faults in each other have to be ignored for a marriage to succeed. "Communication is important. Feelings should not be bottled up rather they should be expressed. It is important to spend time together. But TV has led to less interaction and exchange of ideas among couples," says Narayanan.

Parvathy feels, "There is no special code of behaviour for husbands and wives. Compatibility requires making adjustments all the time. Tiffs and quarrels are part of married life. But they should be taken lightly and should not be too frequent. Temper has to be controlled. Sometimes, nasty accusations shake the very foundation of a relationship. As couples advance in age, their social lives get restricted. Children go away and lead their own lives. Friends hardly drop in. It is then couples realise they have only each other for company." "Once you have learnt the ropes, it is easy to keep a marriage going," feel Chandramathy Menon and R. K. Menon who are only a few years away from celebrating 50 years of their marriage. Menon says, "Sadly, husbands and wives have become separate entities today. Attitudes have changed. Each pursues his/her own interests. Interaction is almost nil which is not a healthy trend. To overcome this, efforts have to be made to spend time together and discuss each other's joys and anxieties. Birthday and anniversary gifts should not be the yardstick to measure love." Chandramathy relies on her intuition to handle ego problems that arise between spouses. "At first, tolerance was one-sided. His decisions alone mattered. My opinions were ignored. But over the years, it all changed."

Anne and Jerome, who are celebrating 55 years of their marriage this year, feel conversation between couples is important. They should know when to talk and when not to. "Sharing the same roof for years can lead to a lot of irritation. Thus marriage is a lifetime of adjustments. Couples should make that extra effort to please each other. As Jerome loves inviting guests, I use my culinary skills to entertain them and I know he is happy," says Anne.

Jerome feels, "Couples today rarely praise or encourage each other but tend to be critical. Thus a conscious effort has to be made to compliment each other. Love should be expressed. Small gestures such as holding hands or placing an arm around your spouse's shoulders while talking or watching TV go a long way in fostering intimacy."

HEMJIT BHARATHAN

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