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Birthday blues

Oops! He forgot your birthday again! Never mind, 40 per cent of men don't remember their spouse's birthday

TAKE TWO All notions of romance are strictly confined to the bachelor days and during the first flush of marriage

It takes so little to make a woman happy. Just think about it. A simple gesture like remembering her birthday or your wedding anniversary can bring a lump to her throat and touch a chord. If only most men (read husbands) would understand this instead of joking about it with jibes like "We forget birthdays, you forget sports stats. So let's drop it," or "the only way to remember a woman's birthday is to forget it once," leaving the rest to one's imagination about what might have followed — a cold war perhaps or a free-for-all slanging match. So to keep the peace and to not deprive oneself of the joy of celebrating one's birthday, the women have become clever and have found ways of reminding the spouses.

Says Malini of her doctor husband, "My husband usually never remembers. I keep dropping hints a week ahead. Even then, he could forget."

"What adds fuel to the fire is when they ask what's the big deal about forgetting a birthday. After all, isn't it like any other day is their line of reasoning," says Rithu, an entrepreneur.

But children usually keep the truce at home by reminding their father.

Says Usha, a homemaker recalling the time when her husband would almost always forget, "One year, he had forgotten my birthday and the children jogged his memory the day before. Unfortunately on D Day, one of his clients had come down so he had to excuse himself after explaining that it happened to be my birthday. From then on, the client reminds him faithfully as he has it entered in his mobile." She says she always forgives him even if he forgets because it affects the kids. "But it's nicer if he remembers because then we can all go out and this brings the immediate family closer."

What's the male view point on this? Akilesh Chandhoke, a businessman, claims he has never forgotten his wife's birthday (It's a different matter that it falls in the summer holidays when she is usually with her parents and the children). "How can you forget your wife's birthday - unless one has more than one wife," he asks. Looks like all notions of romance are strictly confined to the bachelor days and during the first flush of marriage.

Dr. Prithika Chary, consultant neurosurgeon and neurologist, Apollo Hospitals, puts things in perspective. "Men forgetting birthdays is not intentional. Women get more emotional about these things. Men are also less demonstrative and in all fairness to them a bit shy. Men's brains work differently; they are not sensitive to facial expressions and other cues. It all boils down to certain physiological and psychological aspects translating into traits." She offers one tip to women — "If you want something from a man, you have to ask for it."

With the advent of Internet, it's not uncommon to have friends sending requests for Plaxo cards to be updated and birthdays to be punched in to help them remember. It's also a generation thing. While today's generation needs an excuse to celebrate, the older generation is much more conservative when it comes to commemorating special days in one's life. Says Latha, an expert in the social sector, "My husband does remember to greet me but in my father-in-law's case, it's the opposite. He sometimes forgets his own birthday"

This wisecrack says it all, "Men forget everything unlike women who remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They have already forgotten what has happened!"

SUDHA UMASHANKER

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