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The shrinking family

The pros and cons of the single child syndrome

LUCKY OR LONELY? Single child has become the norm

You don't need to study elaborate data to come to grip with this phenomenon. Walk into any school in the city and do this simple survey. Ask children with siblings to raise their hands. Chances are, you will see just a few raised hands. Two child and three child families are an endangered tribe today and seldom do we encounter a young family with two or three children.Single child families seem to have caught the fancy of the upwardly mobile. A phenomenon now being diagnosed as the single child syndrome (SCS).

So, what prompts this syndrome? Is it late marriages, financial capability, medical difficulties, the shift in thinking more about the `quality' of time spent with children rather than more number of kids, or concerns about population growth? All these factors may have their own contributory effects but the changing profile of the Indian woman has a lot to do with this phenomenon.

"While elderly family members constantly ask me when I will be having my second child, the younger lot doesn't. They understand," says Vinitha, whose son Vishal is now four years old. Vinitha and her husband have decided that they will not have another child, because it will mean that Vinitha would have to take another long break from work, which will jeopardise their financial situation. "As it is I find it hard enough to juggle my job and home," she adds. Looking at the positive side of SCS, research has shown that the single child is often a star performer in various disciplines at school and outside, with highly developed verbal and other skills, thanks to the extra care and attention showered on them. The extra time the single child spends in interacting with adults frequently gives them a leg up academically and socially.

Time factor

"Perhaps, the biggest comfort a parent can give a child is time. Despite going to work, I manage to spend a lot of time listening to my daughter's anecdotes of what happened at school. I doubt if this would have been possible if I had two children," says Praveena.

So, is one child enough? Does an only child mean a lonely child? "Bigger families may be better, but I simply do not have the time to raise another child", says Rekha, mother of one. But Chandrika, mother of three, points out, "When you have more than one child, the younger children seem to demand less time, and grow up with little effort from the parents as they have elder siblings to learn from".

A fact agreed to by Meena, who has two children. "I had not planned for two children. But in retrospect, I find that it has been a good thing. They give each other company."

With a single child in the family, while there may be financial savings and lesser commitments for the parents, the child looses out on the companionship and unconditional support from siblings that can be a pillar of strength in life later. Besides, they also learn to share. This is what prompted Jayaprakash and Shrimathi to go in for a second child. "Single children tend to get extremely possessive. Ideally, couples could decide to have two children. It is not all that difficult to raise them. The only prerequisite is, you have to plan your finances," says Jayaprakash. Women today fear that they will be left behind professionally if they take a second break in their career.

Observes 43-year-old Radhika, mother of two teenage daughters, who has managed to juggle her business along with raising two kids, that too without any support from the grandparents, "It is very much possible, especially in this age of flexible timings and off beat career choices".

"My paternal grandparents had eight children, while my maternal had five. My parents contented themselves with two, while I have one son," smiles Asha, summing up the trend that has run through the times. And going by this trend, will we be seeing more and more childless families? One hopes not.

HEMA VIJAY

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