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Learning to love, again

A frenzied lifestyle leaves young couples with little time to invest in a physical relationship

ALL'S NOT WELL It is vital to spend time with each other PHOTO: S. SUBRAMANIUM

Remember that telling moment in Karan Johar's blockbuster KANK? As a passionate Rishi (Abhishek Bachchan) tries to get close to his wife Maya (Rani), she stares at the ceiling coldly, leaving him frustrated at the turn his life is taking.

Thousands of young married couples across the country identified themselves with the characters. Because, in Vatsayana's land, more and more people are loving less and less. Doctors say the problem is prevalent among the yuppie crowd.

Need to nurture

Because of longer working hours, a couple hardly gets time to spend together. As a result, there is little scope to establish a relationship.

"Many couples tend to think the body can be programmed to do certain things at certain times. It does not work that way. This frenzied lifestyle is taking a toll on the fertility of couples," says gynaecologist Asha R Rao of Rao Hospital.

Nirmala Jayasankar, consultant gynaecologist, Apollo Hospitals, Chennai, agrees. "The biological rhythm of women working in BPOs and in the IT industry has been completely altered. During the day, she tries to sleep and works through the night. This leads to marital discord and health problems," she says.

Underlying problems

Even now, couples don't go to doctors for specific treatment of sexual dysfunction.

"They usually come saying they are unable to have a child. When you talk to them, these underlying problems surface. And, of late, I see that male sexual problems are on the increase," she adds.

Infertility specialist Kannagi Uthraraj of Kovai Medical Center and Hospital says this aspect of sexual dysfunction, where the partner is not able to perform, is hardly discussed, even in the medical fraternity.

"Most of these couples come in wanting a child. And, because you have artificial methods in this field, the dysfunction part is relegated to the background."

Her most peculiar case involved a young couple who were great friends but did not want to get into a regular marital relationship. They chose the easy way out, having two babies through artificial insemination.

Counselling vital

"Counselling is the key. But, sometimes, even that does not work. Lack of sex education and fears instilled in childhood also wreak havoc on a marriage," she says.

Dr. Asha recalls treating a patient who had been told as a child that having a relationship with a woman was wrong. His wife suffered till he agreed to be counselled. Once he understood that sex was a vital part of marriage and that it was not wrong, the marriage was saved.

Gynaecologist Suma Natarajan of G. Kuppusamy Naidu Memorial Hospital says lack of knowledge about the human anatomy is a problem.

"Youngsters watch films and read books and get excited without knowing what the basics are. It helps when a urologist and counsellor sit with the couple and explain the procedure through slides," she says.

These days, women don't mind discussing with their doctors issues like frigidity, painful intercourse and lack of satisfaction.

"They are no longer passive partners," adds Dr. Nirmala.

Dr. Suma recalls a 65-year-old woman who came to her with sexual problems. "It only shows that they still want to lead a fruitful life."

The growing sensitivity of men is an issue too.

"They can't bear to see their wife in pain and move away even if she flinches. Slowly, frustration sets in and they too develop erectile problems," says Dr. Asha.

"This is a vicious cycle and it creates a host of other problems," says Dr. Kannagi.

Some of these problems relate to the anatomy and can be corrected. But, psychological problems have the doctors more worried.

"Counselling is the key. People have so many fears it is not funny. And, it is vital to spend more time with each other. Couples must take off by themselves so that they can nourish their relationship. And, bring the emotions back into marriage. People have become so robotic these days," she says.

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