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No strings attached?

What do today's women think about wearing the mangalsutra?

TO WEAR OR NOT TO WEAR? That's the big question

The mangalsutra, a unique piece of jewellery symbolising marriage was never usually removed in the lifetime of a married woman.

But, like all traditions, this custom too is changing. For women today, it is a matter of choice.

Deepa Sundararaman, manager in a litigation consulting firm in Washington D.C., says, "I wear the mangalsutra on and off. I have been married only for two-and-a-half years, so ask me again after five years and I will tell you if I still wear it. I like wearing it because it is part of my tradition and it symbolises something I treasure — the wedding and my husband — but I don't feel it is wrong not to wear it. It's a symbol after all and not a substitute for what it symbolises."

Says Divya Kumar, an executive in an MNC, "I have worn it on the day of my marriage and one day after that. I don't believe in symbolism nor am I emotionally attached to it."

According to these women, commitment is in the mind and not proven by what one wears.

A fashion statement?

Deepali Sud Varma, working in the social development sector, says, "I don't wear it at all. It's more like a fashion statement. And, I don't need to have something around my neck to show I am committed to somebody."

Business analyst Pavithra Jaivant, has put her mangalsutra away safely. She remarks, "Feeling married and committed is more important than just wearing a mangalsutra."

Sometimes, the mangalsutra does not gel with western clothes, or clashes with other jewellery. "I don't wear it with my silver jewellery or when I wear a low-necked blouse. I have a micro thali — smaller in size, lightweight and fixed on a slender gold chain," says Deepa.

Pavithra Jaivant also feels the mangalsutra does not go well with modern jewellery like white gold, which is what she likes to wear to work. Shakuntala Peter, a retired librarian who is over 75, is allergic to gold. "I take it off at bedtime. In the beginning, people were horrified but gradually they understood."

Aruna Subramaniam, management consultant, feels, "It's not subjugation if you wear it nor is it liberation if you take it off."

Saraswathi Ramdas, a homemaker who believes in tradition, says she had no choice but to remove her mangalsutra when she underwent a neck surgery. As the wound took time to heal, she couldn't wear it. "My mother-in-law was very understanding and asked me to wait till the wound healed," she says.

How do other families react?

Divya Kumar says her mother-in-law has no objection because her husband shares the same conviction. "However if I am visiting my in-laws and people are going to fault her because of my decision, I will wear it for the sake of her happiness."

Deepa remarks, "I feel that other than the symbol aspect, it is a pretty piece of jewellery, one that's admired by my friends. And when I explain to them that it is the equivalent of their wedding ring, they are impressed."

SUDHA UMASHANKER

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