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In a world of their own
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Adolescence can be a trying phase for children and parents alike. Here's how to cope
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YOUNG WORLD Anxieties, fears, doubts caused by physical and hormonal changes push teenagers into isolation
Aanyais a 15-year-old. Recently her mother, Seema confessed to her friend Ria about Aanya's reclusive ways. "Everybody used to say that Aanya is a beautiful child. She is but recently things have changed so much that I wonder where that sweet Aanya has gone. Nowadays our house is a battlefield. Most of the days I find Aanya locked in her room chatting to her friends on phone or on the Net. I can no longer talk to her without our conversation ending in an argument. If this continues for long I'll have a nervous breakdown."
On opening her heart to another of her friends, Ritu, Seema found that Ritu too was facing the same problems with her 16-year-old son, though to a lesser extent. He too preferred the company of his friends compared to the company of his parents. Whenever they went for an outing or dinner he preferred to stay at home and order Pizza rather than go out with them.
Counsel
Disturbed by her daughter's withdrawn ways and much against her husband's wishes Seema visited a counsellor. Leena Devdas, the counsellor and special educator said that most parents faced this very common problem. "Most parents end up feeling guilty that they may be wrong in their parenting. Preferring to be by themselves, to sit in their rooms, is common in adolescents. It's a normal part of growing up and is really nothing to worry about.
In fact children should be given their own space. Children feel that they can talk more freely to their friends who are less judgemental than their parents. To avoid conflict they prefer to sit in their room or watch T.V. or talk to their friends who accept them as they are.
Constant criticism and comparison with other children (a thing which parents do very often) is harmful. The mistake most parents make is that till 10-12 years they give in to most of the demands of the children, but suddenly when the child turns a teenager they expect the child to be disciplined responsible and excellent in studies. Enforcing discipline is a gradual process that needs to be started at an early age."
The teenager's point of view proved interesting. Most of them felt that they did not share a common `lingo' (communication level) with their parents.
Parents did not have much in common to talk with their children-be it the latest music, mobile phones and their latest features and cars etc. They felt that most parents frowned upon talking to classmates of the opposite sex on the phone so they had to resort to other means rather than appear `uncool' in front of their classmates. They wanted their parents to have a more open relationship with them as one child put it, "why can't my mom be my best friend?"
Be a friend
Being a good friend to your child is very important so that he/she can talk to you freely regarding anything. But then again friendship is cultivated over the years. According to the counsellor parents should make a conscious effort to learn more about interests of their children so that they have common things to talk about-be it cars or fashion.
Last but not the least parents should keep track of their child's whereabouts. Make friends with his/her friends so that you know the company he/she keeps. If a radical change is noticed, in behaviour especially, if he/she is withdrawn and tense it is better to consult an expert. After all children are truly gifts from heaven. And we parents often forget that in our daily dealings especially with our teenage kids.
MANJIT KAUR
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