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Connecting with our kids

Nithari killings raises important questions about child psychology

So many of our children go missing every year, while so many others are turning to crime, narcotics and other addictions. Why do some children turn criminal?

On the other hand, there are children who tread the other extremity — afraid to face their parents, they take suicide as a way out or run away from home ending up victims or perpetrators of crime. One wonders if we urban parents are in touch with our children. Are we teaching them how to be safe? And how does one deal with adolescence? How do you give them both safety and personal space? "Unlike our generation, children of today are exposed to a variety of influences and face a multitude of challenges", says psychiatrist Dr. Lakshmi Vijayakumar. Youth who use drugs and commit crime do it because they lack self-control.

Vulnerable time

"As adolescence is a vulnerable time when the child gives paramount importance to their peer group's evaluation and influences, we need to teach youngsters internal validity, self control and contentment, right from their early years, so that they are able to differentiate the good from the bad and dare to say no to negative influences", says Dr. Lakshmi. However, the message will get through to the kids only when parents enjoy a rapport with them. "Commands generally generate opposition, rather than acceptance at this age. You have to talk like a friend and see the world through their eyes," says Dr. Shanthi Raj, who has been dealing with a number of teenage issues. At the same time, too much autonomy is also undesirable. "You have to set limits, but only after explaining the reasons for them."

Communication

Parents should keep a tab on who their children are friendly with. And remember, don't expect too much and avoid comparisons. "And if your child is not doing well in school, make sure he develops or spends time in an activity he is passionate about, be it sport or music", says psychiatrist Prabhu Shankar. Juvenile delinquents generally happen to be children who have a vacuum in their lives without interests they are passionate about.While factors like high impulsiveness, low intelligence, hereditary defects or glandular imbalance may lead to juvenile delinquency, a lot of it can be prevented by just being there with them, for them, and being friends with them.

HEMA VIJAY

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