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Bitter-sweet forgiveness

Forgiveness is not just a noble quality it is also a healing process

`To err is human; to forgive divine', has been an oft-quoted maxim to take us thorough ups and downs of life. However, a deeper insight proves that forgiving is not just divine. It is healthy too.

Studies on relationship between health and forgiveness have shown that forgiving is a healing process that has many health benefits you can't get from a medical store. Forgiving relieves stress, anxiety, bitterness, leading not just to better mental well being but you feel good physically too.

It causes depression

Chronic resentment and holding on to anger causes depression, weakens the immune system and thus increases risk of many diseases. Constant hostility and hatred can increase heart rate, causing stress-induced blood pressure and heart attacks. Thus, studies show that those who replace anger, vehemence and rage by forgiving have better cardio-vascular health and less long-term ailments. However, in today's competitive world one has to tread warily. It is a highly volatile scenario where we are taxed physically, mentally and emotionally and where relationships hang on thin strings.

Undesirable emotions

Antony Thommen, a Financial Advisor for ICICI Prudential says, `Anger is a negative feeling that induces other undesirable emotions like envy, hatred, vengeance etc. Forgiveness is the answer to conquer such destructive tendencies. Instead of waiting and hoping for your enemies to come

Forward, take the first step by forgiving them and making peace them. You will then rise in stature and win the respect of your adversaries. By forgiving you will also be free from tension and stress." What happens when you are bitter and bent on revenge? Anger affects greatly the way our body functions. Muscles tighten causing pain in the neck, back and limbs.

Increased tension around the neck causes headaches. Muscular tension around the joints and other regions restricts blood circulation thereby affecting tissue repair, digestion etc. Symptoms of arthritis, migraine and spondilitis worsen when the desire for settling scores and animosity dominates. As breathing pattern is affected, blood flow to the heart decreases. We thus make ourselves fertile for a host of diseases. An unforgiving mind or heart may not be the sole cause for all ailments, but it can contribute and set the scene for many diseases. Besides, it can definitely delay and obstruct recovery. By forgiving someone you may not change the past but you can make your future brighter for unresolved feelings can play havoc with one's mental and physical health.

Concentration affected

If you don't forgive and move on you also lose concentration and are able to focus less affecting your work, relationships, personality, health etc. Remember you are inflicting pain on yourself and don't deserve such rough treatment.

Bina Valsraj, a homemaker feels, "though it may not be easy to forgive you will find yourself relieved of a big burden that was tormenting you once you forgive. You may have been terribly hurt but after sometime on reflection you find that you are causing too much strain on yourself by harbouring revenge, bitterness".

But forgiving is much more than excusing. For in forgiving you let go of all your negative emotions that have taken charge over you. The bitterness of grudge works like poison on your system. It drains your energy. Blocking the flow of love and goodwill, you are unable to love your friends too and miss out on life's positive and enlightening moments.

So discover the power of forgiveness. It is a gift you give yourselves. Consider it as a necessary mental and emotional cleansing. It may not be easy and everyone cannot do it without an effort.

Conscious effort

For forgiving is a conscious effort. Never wait till you feel like forgiving, for our emotions are seldom designed that way. An unforgiving attitude is being too hard and harsh on yourself. So forget, forgive and move on. For ultimately the urge to get even makes you feel that you are as contemptuous as the person who hurt you.

HEMJIT BHARATHAN

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