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The tale of two women

"Women and Sexuality" was the focus of a conference organised by Prakriti Foundation in the city. GEETA PADMANABHAN reports

EMERGING FROM THE SHADOWS Sex workers are now fighting for their rights

Two women, born in poverty, thrown into hell — to provide men with a service that brands them as offenders — somehow found strength to stand up for who they were. In that enormously courageous gesture, they exposed the hypocrisy of that hell. This is their story. We heard them at the Women and Sexuality conference organised by Prakriti Foundation.

An orphan growing up in a Kerala hostel, Mira Mary looked forward to her annual vacation in Mumbai, till, at age 13, she found herself dumped in a dubious, unfamiliar world and warned "to do as she was told". The year-long humiliation that followed ironically helped her locate in herself a certain raw grit she hadn't suspected she had. She determined to shake loose her fear and find her feet.

Pleasing men for a fee afforded no time to think, but with help from a regular, she escaped. Her relatives turned their nose up about her lost year, but allowed her to stay as a cook and cleaner. Life wasn't better — "4 out of 10 people used me" — and she was eventually married off. She smiled as she said, "I was a "bad" woman. But he was a rowdy, in and out of jail." Three years later, a husband in jail and two kids to feed and educate, Mira made her decision. "I went back to the field entirely out of choice." Only, she was accepted, even respected by those around. She was now well-to-do.

Mira wanted to help her sisters in trade. She became their godmother paying their bail, hafta, children's fees, anything that would bring them succour. Attempts at rehab by NGOs got women jobs, but the salary wasn't what you'd call decent. "Life is campaigning for AIDS awareness during the day, earning a livelihood at night and police harassment in-between," she said.

Even as she fought stigma and public humiliation, she filed a case in court, which ruled that women could not be arrested unless seen with a client. Other women followed with lawsuits and the gentle, soft-spoken Mira became an icon — publicly railed, secretly admired. She attended Mohini Giri's meet on sex workers and talked to officials about her case. It was a turning point.

Nine years with SIAAP gave her the confidence to set up the Selvi Memorial Illam Society, a short-stay home. In four years, "Nearly 8,000 people have stayed with us," Mira said. "Our 15 volunteers assist sex workers who are ill, take care of their kids. Funds come from friends like Ranvir Shah and Shyamala Natarajan. I want to open branches in all districts. Do help me carry on this work."

Nalini Jameela's story

After 30 years as a sex worker, a job she was forced into, Nalini Jameela of Kerala decided to record her story. She had seen enough to expose the double standards defining her situation, where "enlightened" law and a clueless society competed equally for the crown of hypocrisy.

Jameela's defiant book "Autobiography of a Sex-worker" opens with this unequivocal line: "I am past 50. Even now, it's my wish to continue to be a sex worker." Her two books, on her childhood and the complex issues of a sex-worker's life tell it as it is. "I don't want to dwell on my past," she laughed. "You can read the details in 7 languages." She would instead talk philosophy and rights, her authority gained from three decades of non-formal education.

"A sex worker is viewed as "paavam" or condemned as a harlot," she began. "And everyone thinks we have to be "rescued" and rehabilitated. Rehab is a tricky affair in India. Different types of support are needed for the exploited, the fighters and the wayward. Instead, why can't we work to remove the stigma attached to sex workers?"

Felling deep-rooted lies as she moved from point to point, she said, "Like the three monkeys, we choose to be silent about sex and sex workers. Why do discourses on HIV point a finger at the women leaving out the client? Sexual activity happens everywhere — in villages, in jungles. How come only women in lodges are arrested?"

Consensual sex cannot be a crime, she told the stunned audience. If payment is a problem, call it a gift. "Those who want to give, do. Where is the debate in this?" Women at all levels willingly co-habit out of marriage, with married men, have babies, get financial support. We don't brand them, do we? Only trafficking in women, where there's a third party, is a crime. Legalisation? There can be nothing about us, without us."

"When sex workers form collectives like SANGRAM/VAMP and DMSC, they face abuse by thugs and the police. Why aren't their rights protected, their safety ensured? Why can't prostitution be deemed a profession? Studies show that sex workers are very aware of HIV/AIDS, insist on condoms. Stop marking them, allow free movement of those involved." Her expositions aren't confined to conference halls, she said. "My daughter is happily married. My son-in-law knows who I am."

"Sex workers do a great service," Jameela wrote. Glorifying her profession or unveiling the truth? The reader's conditioning will decide that. She still has one compelling question. What makes a sex worker out of an innocent girl?

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