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Growing up to be mom

On the eve of Mother’s Day, SAVITHA SURESH BABUchats up young mothers who are trying to figure out how they want to be different from their moms and how they would like to be “like mom”

PHOTO: SAMPATH KUMAR G.P.

MOVING WITH THE TIMES Women want to share the same kind of relationship with their children as they had with their mothers

They have borne our irrational tempers and wild mood swings with quiet smiles and oodles of patience. We call them moms. The occasional guilt has bothered us all, and we try to make up through cards and home cooked meals on the second Sunday of May & #8212; a day dedicated to these special women.

For daughters, having children of their own is an occasion to rethink and reflect on what their mothers have meant to them.

MetroPlus spoke to young women about how motherhood has changed them, and the kind of moms they want to be. While these women want to be as patient as their mothers and cook just as well, there are things they would like to do differently. Most of them want to be more open with their children. While some want to be stricter, others don’t want to exert any pressure on their children.

Lakshmi, a 32-year-old scientist, and mother of a two-and-a-half-year-old daughter says she hopes her relationship with her daughter comes as close as possible to the relationship she had with her mother. “I know I fall short when it comes to the virtues of being patient. I am currently blaming it on our stressed lifestyles as compared to what our mothers had. I hope to foster the same love for nature that I was initiated into by my mom. But so far Winnie the Pooh on DVD seems to be winning over a walk in the moonlight; but I shall persist!” she says.

Bhoomika, a 29-year-old journalist and mother of two children would like to spend the kind of time her mom did with her. “I spent lots of time listening to stories and songs from my mom after I came back from school. Work pressures mean I am not able to spend that kind of time with my children,” she says.

Cooking fun meals for their children is another area where these women say they want to be just like their mothers. “My mom is a great cook. I hope my daughter says that about me some day too. I don’t want her to go to school and complain about food at home,” says Smitha with a laugh. Smitha, 31, took a break from a busy corporate life over two years ago to have her daughter. Lakshmi also says she would love to cook something special for her daughter, “just like mom would”.

Motherhood, like all else, seems to mean different things to different people. For Chethana, a 27-year-old homemaker and mother of a three-year-old daughter it has meant an increase in responsibilities. “For me, it is a full-time commitment and responsibility,” she says. Lakshmi says motherhood has changed her as a person. “It has made me realise the effort and responsibility that goes with being the role model for an unbiased individual who will unflinchingly follow your every move. Professionally, it has helped me prioritise my life.”

Smitha says she has become a more complete person. “I used to be a fairly rigid person earlier. Now, I can accept differences more easily…think I have become more broad-minded in a sense.”

Considering the fact that most women adore their mothers, they take some time to say what they would do differently from their mothers. Smitha does not want to pressurise her daughter in any way. “I want to give her the creative freedom to choose.

Times have obviously changed, and so have societal rules,” says Smitha.

Even now, there are times when she is playing a certain game, and I want her to play something else, but I try not to interfere. “As an individual, she has a right to choose.”

Lakshmi takes a slightly different view when she says she would want to be a little stricter with her daughter. “Because the world has got more competitive. One needs to be on one’s toes most times and that comes with increased discipline,” is her reasoning. Chethana and Bhoomika say they can be more open and friendly with their children than their mothers were with them.

Smitha adds some caution. “I am trying to prepare myself from now to be more open. Just as we thought our parents were old fashioned, our children might think we are traditional.

What seemed like something adventurous to us might just be routine by the time my daughter is in her teens.”

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