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Striking the right balance

Juggling through unconventional routes, working mothers glide through the changing roles of life with uncanny ease, writes NIVEDITA GANGULY

Photo: K.R.Deepak

Shifting roles Working mothers crave for those stolen moments with their kids after a hard day’s work

When the world sleeps peacefully under the blanket of darkness, her day begins. She rolls out rotis, whips up gourmet meals, picks up smelly socks, and monitors your homework before she proceeds to deftly handle the bundles of files and stress at off ice. Juggling through unconventional routes, she puts a flourishing career on the back burner as soon as the innocent cries of the little one rudely interrupt the tranquillity of her life. This is the world of working mothers who glide through the changing roles of life with uncanny ease, at the same time pare down their needs, allow their lives to be hijacked so their kids can follow their heart and talent into the future. Mothering is a different exercise altogether today. It’s no more condensed to cooking, cleaning, rocking cradles and stitching. It’s an acrobatic exercise, managing the home, office, making up for broken promises to your child, praying hard during their examinations, and putting up with teenage tantrums. Only, emotions remain the same, as it was a century ago, maybe even earlier.

Sangeeta eagerly waits for the office breaks for that’s the only time when she can call back home and speak to her one-and-a-half year old daughter. Frequently answering the cell phone, she keeps a tab of all the mischief of the little one as she continues with her friendly banter with her colleagues. “When you are not there at home, you are much more concerned about your children,” she says. However, most working moms have to deal with the demons of guilty thoughts that boil within their minds. “I do go through never-ending guilt pangs for not being able to spend enough time with my little one. There are times when I wonder if I should have taken it at all,” she adds. But every evening when she returns home, the drudgery of the long working hours and office pressure is easily forgotten when she sees the smiling face of her daughter waiting to hug her.

Rama had to force herself to leave the clutched fingers of her son to come to office even when her son was down with high fever. “I know that he can be comfortable only in my presence. But I have to attend to my duties in office too,” she laments. Apart from the guilt pangs she suffers from for not ‘being there’ for the family, especially the kids, every time a situation like this comes up a working mother is thrown back into self-doubt.

Even as these women grapple with the pressures of work and the demands of their family, most insist the decision to take up a job was a thoughtful and wise one. Giving up work is not an option many are willing to consider. “A child becomes more responsible and accountable for their belongings. It’s greatly beneficial in the long run,” says Sangeeta. Agreeing with her is Kala who believes that one should have an identity of their own apart from simply being a wife and a mother. “Once the children grow up and create their own personal spaces, the children automatically respect and appreciate our decision to have continued our careers,” says Kala, mother of four-year-old twins.

Most of the children emphasise that they are proud of their mothers and their successful careers. Although mom may not be around all the time, they aver that there is no one to beat her when it comes to support and encouragement.

It’s never an easy task to meet the expectations of the naughty brats at home and face up a bad day’s work. It is a huge investment of resources — emotional, physical and financial. Keeping up their enthusiasm can be emotionally draining. “The sour mood affects the children who always see just the one side of you,” says Chitra who is an architect.

There is always a reason to feel guilty. One more holiday travel you could have arranged for the kids, a grander birthday party you could have organised ... there is no end to it all. Funny, but nobody seems to talk about stay-at-home dads or harp about father’s guilt!

What can be done to reduce the guilt feeling and strike a balance? Says Sangeeta, “The important thing is not whether you are a working mother or a housewife, but how much of quality time you spend with your kids. Not necessarily all housewives are super-moms. In fact, in most cases the kids turn out to be pampered out of control. What really matters is the right dose of love, attention and monitoring,” and she continues, “In fact, those stolen moments with your child after a hard day’s work seem more precious at the end of it!”

(Some names have been changed to protect the identity)

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