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Falling in love?

There are numerous books on love and relationships to show you the way

Photo: R.Ragu

Love notes The scene at Landmark, Spencer Plaza

How do you make anyone fall in love with you? Forget compatibility, a great sense of humour and walks by the beach. That’s so yesterday. And, Cinderella, apparently, was a liar.

Or so says Brenda Della Casa in “Cinderella Was a Liar,” who advocates that you “don’t shove your feet into slippers that don’t fit,” and goes on to talk about “how and where to bag your royal” and the “toads who have to go.”

Forget the whole once-revolutionary “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” theory. Today, you can choose a dozen, or let’s make that 403,906 ways to bag a mate. (The number of books Amazon alone throws up on relationships.) Bookstores bristle with ideas on how to “Make every man want you (or make yours want you more): How to be so damn irresistible you’ll barely keep from dating yourself” (by Marie Forleo). (Oh, and they recommend you buy ‘Man Magnet: How to be the best woman you can be in order to get the best man’ by Romy Miller along with it.)

Books on relationships used to be niche. Now they’re discussed on chat shows, blogs, and occupy prominent display space at bookstores. Although each one claims to have fail proof, totally unique methods they can be roughly divided into the following categories.

“How to make a man fall in love with you: The fail-proof, fool-proof method” by Tracy Cabot follows the theory that women should work at relationships like they do on their careers. A route also advocated by Lisa Daily in her excitedly titled “Stop getting dumped! All you need to know to make men fall madly in love with you and marry "The One" in 3 Years or less” is to socialise with a vengeance. After all, like any princess worth her egg-sized diamond engagement ring knows, “You’ll never meet Prince Charming (or Prince William) unless you’re ready to go to the ball.” Being a practical woman of the world, she also suggests you have “A pair and a spare: using rotation until you find The One.”

Sherry Argov, however, has no patience for the nice girl act in “Why men love bitches”. You may take his calls – once in a while – but don’t even think of driving him to the doctor for a root canal, like a doormat. Her theories must have worked, because she also wrote the New York Times bestseller “Why men marry bitches.”

Treating men like puppets might be easier though. “Love Trances: How to hypnotize men to love you and do your bidding” by Craig Rovinsky even has a special chapter on ‘how to hypnotise a rich man.’ Yacht owners tend to be a sneaky species, so thankfully “How to make anyone fall in love with you” by Leil Lowndes quotes experts such as Genie who takes ‘How to marry the rich’ seminars in America.

She zeroes in on a grubby millionaire in a coffee shop instantly because “He moves like old money.”

Which brings us to the man as a form of wildlife theory. Such as in “Dating, mating, and manhandling: The ornithological guide to men.” Or “Never Kiss a Frog: A Girl’s Guide to Creatures from the Dating Swamp.”

And “Men are like fish: What every woman needs to know about catching a man” by Steve Nakamoto, which gives you ‘a different angle on love.’

(Angle! Get it. AND they’re witty too.) He suggests you “let go of the big one that got away” and choose fishing holes carefully.

“Why Mr Right Can’t find you and how to make sure he does” by JM Kearns might be useful here.

Prophetically stating “Before you mate, you have to meet,” the writer promotes gyms since “men at the gym can be physically inspected.” Her scientific research came up with the shocker,

“Men look for women who are attractive.” (Gasp. You don’t say?) Women, on the other hand, ‘look for style, hygiene and intelligence.’

Yeah, and Ricky Martin can’t get a date after a sweaty concert.

He’s not picking up the phone, refuses to meet you for dinner and has been seen with several gorgeous women. And you still need a book to tell you it’s over?

Enter “He’s just not that into you” by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, currently being hailed the best thing for women since eyelash curlers.

“A man would rather be trampled by elephants that are on fire than tell you that he’s just not that into you,” say the authors sagely.

And yet, Behrendt felt the need to write the follow-up, “It’s called a break-up because it’s broken.”

On the other hand. There’s “The Lay guide: How to Seduce Women More Beautiful than You Ever Dreamed Possible No Matter What You Look Like or How Much You Make” by Tony Clink.

Once you’re done with that intuitive, sensitive piece of literature, there’s “The mystery method: How to get beautiful women into bed” by writers who go by the names ‘Mystery’ and ‘Lovedrop’.

Into psychology and the mysterious workings of a women’s mind?

Read “The Professional Bachelor Dating Guide - How to Exploit Her Inner Psycho” by Dr. Brett Tate.

Or maybe you’re just short on time?

Try “Master Speed Dating, eliminate 80% of your dating time & money spent, with a superior closing ratio.”

SHONALI MUTHALALY

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