Features: Magazine | Literary Review | Life | Metro Plus | Open Page | Education Plus | Book Review | Business | SciTech | Friday Review | Young World | Property Plus | Quest | Folio |

To marry or not to marry?

Is it okay to be saddled with a partner for life? Here are the pros and cons of marriage

For some time now, marriage has been moving from debates on gender to discussions on wellness. Crowded family courts, custody battles, domestic violence, bitter settlements and unsettling NRI weddings have kept lawyers busy and got young people quest ioning the value of marriage. “Prince Charming exists where he does – in your imagination,” said Karuna, a young graduate. “The very idea of perfect wedding bliss!” she chortled. “How long did it take you to “adjust” to your husband, aunty? Twenty years? Waste of a lifetime!”

Is marriage, staying in a marriage, a good idea? We don’t have to pay a psychologist to know kids need a secure home with an intact marriage for trouble-free development. Parents have to work together to prevent kids from slipping into being poor students, shop lifters, rash drivers, drug/alcohol users or suicide-prone. Marriages protect children from illnesses. Parents automatically sacrifice for kids, set aside funds for education and marriage. All this makes for emotional, financial, spiritual stability.

So we stick together for the sake of kids? Come on, we can explain the situation to them! Marriages can be unworkable, you know.

To answer that we need to turn the debate away from kids and towards “what marriage can do for the parties involved”. What benefits does marriage confer on adults, how big a difference does it make for spouses? When we argue marriage is not for us, or we should get out of a sticky one, we are actually saying divorce/staying single leads to greater happiness. Is this true?

Mountains of studies have been done on the subject in recent years. Conclusions are the same: People who are in trouble-free marriages – strong commitment and open lines of communication - live longer, healthier lives. Its plus points are particularly clear in late middle age. Wives go on to become satisfied senior citizens feeling secure and important. There is enough scientific literature to prove that in “virtually every way that social scientists can measure, married people do much better than the unmarried or divorced: they live happier, sexier, and more affluent lives.”

“Companionship is the greatest gain of a long-term marriage,” said Sushma Ramaratnam, married for 35 years. For husband Ramaratnam the major result is unquestioning trust. “All of us meet crises in life. At such times you need someone you can depend on totally. An understanding wife stands by you without the why and the what.” “Your strength comes from knowing someone is sentrying for you.” Happily married couples have better-functioning immune systems and. fall ill less frequently. Financial security should count too? “For people like me, yes,” said Sushma. “With working women it is comfort, rather than security. Of course, married men are more scrupulous with finances.”

There is also the psychological health. One recent study of couples in 17 developed nations found that "the strength of the association between being married and being happy is remarkably consistent across nations." Married men and women are less depressed and less anxious about the future. Social sanction gives the spouses the right to change individuals. Behaviour changes. Healthy activities increase, risky ones typically decrease. There’s a sense of responsibility to the spouse, a positive impact on health.

Married couples running businesses together do well for themselves. At home, it is a double – two sets of talents, two people’s time and two pools of labour. The wife earns, the husband manages. The husband earns, the wife invests it judiciously.

Make the marriage work well, and you stitch a fluffy cushion for protection against life’s unkind cuts. You are better equipped as a team to handle stress.

“Having a partner in good health gave a meaning to life as well as practical help,” say long married couples. A recent Pew Research Center survey found "sharing household chores," "good housing," "adequate income," and "faithfulness” (not kids!) as the main reasons for staying married. Are employers ready to take note of these findings? Can we now expect family-friendly workplace policies?

GEETA PADMANABHAN

Printer friendly page  
Send this article to Friends by E-Mail