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Season of separation and longing

Aashadam might get you a discount but the ‘inauspicious’ season means a spanner in the works for the ‘just married’ lot? Renuka Vijay Kumar finds out…

Photo: C.V. Subrahmanyam

MONSOON MOODS Aashadam has its joys and woes

You’re just married, soaking in the ‘just-married’ bliss and enjoying the extended honeymoon that comes with the first year of being married and then suddenly you’re told to leave your husband for a month and head back home.

Jarring isn’t it? Not that your parents’ house is supposed to be a punishment of sorts, it’s supposed to be more of a respite from the mother-in-law. The period of Aashadam, considered inauspicious by most South Indians, is a time when newly married women are sent back to their parents’ house. While some consider it a period of separation for husband and wife because it’s an inauspicious time to conceive, other consider it a home coming of sorts for the new bride, who yearns to be back in familiar territory.

But does today’s woman follow this rule? Do they go back home after marriage during the Aashadam period?

Living and working in other cities makes this a tad difficult. Take for example recently married Rajiva Satyavada who now lives in Chicago. Rajiva works in the financial sector and other than her job, it’s the distance that keeps her away. She says these customs were put in place by the older generation so that the homesick bride could visit her parents a couple of months after marriage. “I don’t believe in the concept but I would love to visit my parents without a reason or a festival. If only I had the money…” she says wistfully.

Senior Software analyst Karishma Domalpally got married within the last year and didn’t follow the custom either and says this ritual has a few complications. “We don’t buy anything new during Aashadam, but when we talk about the Aashadam period and marriage, the period after Ugadi is considered the New Year. So people who get married after Ugadi are asked to follow the custom in the same calendar year.”

This technicality perhaps saved her the inconvenience of moving back home for a month as well as the fact her mother in law didn’t expect or ask for it.

Other communities in South India follow the custom on different levels. Pavitra Ramoorthy who got married last month and moved cities says she too doesn’t believe in aadi masam but her parents and parents-in-law believe in it. “They were only particular that I join my husband and begin my new job before aadi masam began.” She adds, “Aadi masam sees a lot of festivals, so that’s why women were sent home.”

So how to these young women handle the homesickness aspect today? Well, there are phones to begin with and then there’s instant messaging, web cameras, chat, satellite phones… the list goes on.

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