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ACADEMIC PRESSURES Mothers are famous for helping with homework but dads are not far behind

Initially, they’re trifling, harmless little things…spelling tests, times-tables, elementary grammar, that sort of thing. And when you’re lulled into believing you’ve got it all under-control, the bomb drops.

Before you know it, the child, still in primary school, is tackling long-division, mugging chemical formulas a mile long and has a thesis on Mayan civilisation to thump-out. And it’s precisely at this point that, as a parent, you feel morally obliged to sharpen your pencils, wits, and brains and give the floundering little ones a helping hand.

“Parents pitching-in is so common now,” says T. Swaminathan, IT professional. “They’re pretty clued in to what their children are doing. On the contrary, when we were little, my mother only used to check if we had ink in our pens (during exams), while my father signed the report cards. The rest was entirely up to us!” he recalls.

The current crop of mums and dads are, however, practically tripping over themselves to groom their children, what with mums handling the ‘soft’ subjects, and dads taking over maths, physics and chemistry.

“But in my experience it’s the mother who spends more time with the children during study time irrespective of whether she is working or not,” says Padma Ramesh, Manager, Corporate Communications. ‘I think it’s because mothers tend to worry a lot more about their children’s grades,” she reasons.

And this is certainly true…while dads (it is said) put their professional commitments before their familial ones, mums – paragons of patience and perseverance – willingly stay up well past the middle-watches to go through (“one last time, please”) Newton’s Laws of Motion; they lovingly stir-in a million mugs of Horlicks at unearthly hours to bolster their little ones’ constitution; they fast and pray to every god that their child must, somehow, get through the dreaded board exams…

“But crediting the dad with nothing more than just funding the child’s education is quite unfair,” says Swaminathan. “My daughter is now in class 4, and I make it a point to spend time every week, brushing-up maths; and I know several dads who do the same.”

Agrees Mythili Sriram, mother of two grown-up kids. “Until some years ago, it was only the mums who taught, as many then were not working; but now, I think they split the load.”

“Look, I had a working mum,” says Gayathri Sriman, herself a new mum. “And she always helped me out in primary school. I’ve gone to my dad for help just once - when I was in class VI, for maths, and I swore I would never ask him to teach me anything again!” she adds.

And the reason? “Well, he was so impatient with me, and kept saying ‘how can you not understand even this?’ But hey, I went to him for help only because I didn’t!” she reasons. “Patience is clearly a big plus for women,” agrees Padma.

Along with a keen sense of commitment to see the kids through thick and thin. “ A colleague of mine actually took a six-month sabbatical when her son didn’t do well in his pre-boards, to prepare him for the finals!” says Padma.

But Mythili doesn’t believe the whole thing is divided strictly along gender lines. “I think it depends on the strengths of the parents,” she says.

Women might get across better in languages and life-sciences, while the more analytical men typically help kids process arithmetic and physical sciences. “I think the key here is to pick the subjects you can teach your kids,” says Thothathri Viswanathan, VP in a software MNC. “I help my son in maths and science, and when he has a crucial exam, I sit with him during his preparation, tell him how to approach a paper…I guess it’s more of a morale booster for him, rather than real coaching,” he says.

“Personally, I doubt I will be able to teach my daughter maths beyond class VI; even now she tells me that my method is all wrong, and that she will lose marks for approaching the sum in my old-fashioned way!” laughs Swaminathan. (The alternative then, as everybody agrees, is farming the kids out to tuition.)

“Frankly, all that the kids want, at the end of the day, is some parental comfort…the pressure is so high on them during the crucial years, that just being around them goes a long way,” sums up Thothathri.

And does it matter really if it’s mum or dad?

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