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GOOD HOUSEKEEPING Domestic goddesses take charge of their lives and homes. These are generation-now women, intelligent, articulate and employed

Oh and, by the way, we’re not talking oily-aproned frumpy women here; these are generation-now women, intelligent and articulate, employed, at least part-time. Somehow, they always manage to turn-up during the school run with carefully blow-dried hair and colour co-ordinated accessories; they typically find baking cathartic and ironing a stress-buster; and they easily make us Undomestic Goddesses - to borrow a phrase from Sophie Kinsella - feel more than a little incompetent. And intimidated…

Like the day we had been to tea to a friend’s place. With two little boys under two, the last thing we expected was an elaborate high-tea. But even as our hostess opened the door to receive us – into an uber-stylish, scented-candles and soft-music filled living room – the tantalising aroma of the evening’s tea wafted out to greet us.

We asked her, between mouthfuls of fluffy dhoklas, how she managed to reclaim her living room from the brats. “But it’s not any different today; it always stays this way!” she answered, and we – naturally – spluttered into our fragrant chai. Slowly, the truth dawned on us…she was a Domestic Goddess! Not only was she a fantastic cook, who loved to, by her own admission, cook for large gatherings, she was house-proud and clearly didn’t believe that motherhood should be allowed to disrupt the harmony of her living spaces!

And that, in essence is what domestic goddesses are all about; they’re women who like to be in charge, who take firm control of their lives, and who moreover do so without hyperventilating/dying, as we lesser mortals are wont to; most importantly, they’re happy, blissfully so. Oh well, join the club!

Personally you and I might not give a fig for crochet-laced table-linen; we might be happy to live with mismatched tableware, liberally spraying our kitchens and bathrooms with poisonous, store-bought cleaning-fluids, outsourcing our child’s birthday cake to the corner bakery.

But, apparently, we’re quite outmoded; clearly, it’s no longer a sign of how evolved or modern you are to say that you cannot cook to save your life, and you survive exclusively on a diet of Maggi noodles and soggy sandwiches. Yet, getting into the domestic goddess network means knowing more than just the right proportions of rice flour and rava to make a crispy, golden rava dosai; for you have to, among other things -

Always smile serenely. Especially when you have a house full of guests whose little monsters are stress-testing your sofas’ springs.

You should know, off pat, more recipes than Mallika Badrinath and Karen Anand put together. You must always, always insist that making pooran-polis at home is your preferred past-time, and nothing gives you greater pleasure than making vast quantities of jams/pickles. Also, remember, in the homes of domestic goddesses, tea is served in fine china, with organic sugar cubes and little wedges of lime.

Your kitchen sink should look well-cared for, preferably doubling as the kitchen-mirror.

All your cleaning-fluids should be home-made, with gentle ingredients (soda, vinegar, lemon juice, etc), the sort that kids can lick and still live.

Of course, you must knit. And sew. And paint. A large oil-on-canvas or a complicated cross-stitch framed and hung on the living room wall gives you instant membership to this exalted group.

Your house must always look ready for a photo-shoot for an interior magazine. Silk cushions must be scattered around in elegant disarray, little bowls of potpourri scenting every nook and cranny, while large vases with sprays of carnations grace the ledges. Oh and don’t forget glossy coffee-table books! (Note – they mustn’t have any dog-ears.)

Remember, domestic goddesses never look hassled, not even if the maid didn’t turn up for the fourth day running; and they certainly don’t use the lack of maid/sleep/food as an excuse to goof off work.

To fast-track your entry, run out and pick up a copy of Nigella Lawson’s acclaimed How to be a Domestic Goddess.

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