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Back-lane existence The HIV positive people often end up as statistics. Their emotional needs are hardly a point of mainstream discussion

“My son and my new wife are inseparable now. She takes good care of him,” states Suresh, a driver by profession. But what Suresh junior doesn’t know is that his new mother is also HIV positive. He has not let out his secret to his employer too.

Suresh found his wife through a marriage bureau that specialises in bringing HIV positive people together. “After my wife’s death, I felt the need for a woman to handle my son, who was seven then. I came to know about the marriage bureau almost a year ago through a friend and soon I registered myself,” explains Suresh. After a couple of months, he met Shweta at the local office of Network for Positive People Plus, a non-governmental organisation run by HIV positive people, which also runs the marriage bureau, perhaps the country’s only one so far for HIV positive brides and grooms.

And soon you learn that not just Suresh but six other HIV positive people have found their companions the same way. And as many as 55 men and nine women from diverse backgrounds are waiting in queue, tucking to their heart a hope for a love-filled life.

Says Bharti Murlidhar Sonawane, who handles the NGO’s marriage bureau, “We started it around 2006. It came up during a discussion among HIV positive people at a meeting.” Herself living with HIV, 30-year-old Bharti from Pune, now posted in Thane’s NTP Plus office, is open too to the idea of finding a life partner. “Often life becomes too difficult for HIV positive as the society slowly sets them apart. There are too many misconceptions. So I also registered myself along with a couple of NTP Plus workers for marriage, not because I want to create a family but to share my joys and sorrows with someone whom I can call mine.”

But finding the right mate is not easy. HIV status is not the only cementing factor. Caste, language, looks, income group, family, ART (Anti Retroviral Treatment) status, etc. often come in between.

Says Bharti, “We have found that most men are very particular about looks, caste, language and weakness, etc. But most women want a companion, not a handsome husband.” For similar reasons, she has not found anyone yet.

Sudha Koppikar, a Mumbai resident who has been on the marriage bureau’s register since it started, is yet another example. “My only condition is he should be a Hindu and can be from any part of the country. I have met at least four or five men but rejected them as they made me feel as if they will do a favour by marrying me. I don’t want an unequal relationship,” she says. Contrary to Bharti’s opinion, Sudha says, “I know a taxi driver from Uttar Pradesh, now living in Mumbai. He is HIV positive and has been wanting to marry for a long time. To make his resume look better, he has recently bought a small house too but most women reject him because he belongs to UP thinking he will demand dowry, beat his wife, etc.”

Sudha, who speaks a smattering of English, works at a clerical level and Bharti feel she might not have too much difficulty in finding someone soon but her real problem is in finding a match for “two girls who are very well settled and belong to moneyed families.”

But lesser the demands, quicker you can settle. Take Suresh. “My only condition was that she should be from the South. My new wife is a Telugu. At least, we have to speak the same language and eat the same kind of food,” he says. He also points out that his mother back home insisted that he marry an HIV negative. “She wanted to keep it a secret and even found a girl in our village for me but I put my foot down. Both my wife and I didn’t know how we got it. I had never strayed in my life. I will never pass it to anyone,” he says.

Yet another instance is Sharat Sharma, a Gujarat native now running his transport business in Mumbai. “My only demand was that she should not be too weak.” Sharat found his wife in a Marathi widow through the marriage bureau this past May. “I am happy, and want to have a kid or two of mine,” he says. Sharat knows that an HIV positive mother can deliver an HIV negative baby. A ray of hope?

(All the names have been changed on request)

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