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Birds of a festival
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A hilarious take on those who flock to the International Film Festival of Kerala
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Photo: S. Gopakumar
Cineastes The crowd at the International Film Festival of Kerala
The bird most readily associated with the International Film Festival of Kerala (IFFK) has to be the Suvarna Chakoram or Golden Pheasant. It’s the festival logo as well as the prize for the best film in the festival. But look a bit closer: you&
#8217;ll spot a treasure trove of migratory birds that flock to Thiruvananthapuram during the IFFK.
Here’s our Dazzling Dozen of festival birds, in random order:
Common Cuckoo: A diligent office-goer, this bird leads a sedate life the year-round. Come December, its innate love for cinema sweeps away all sense of propriety. Armed with a week’s leave it flits from theatre to theatre, constantly on guard against an ambush by its boss.
Media Myna: Once an aspiring filmmaker/cinematographer/actor, this bird’s dreams are now channelised through news media. Finds special delight in ripping apart all films, and in emphasising how much better the film would’ve been if they had made it.
Kingfisher Glassmate: The KGs are large in number, but they are tough to spot. Though officially an IFFK bird, you won’t find it in the theatres or at the debate forums. they gather together at regular watering-holes and clink glasses to celebrate cinema.
Rookie Robin: These first-timer birds are characterised by wide eyes and open mouths. Most often college students, they betray their lack of festival wisdom by turning up for films that experienced birds would skip. Otherwise found glued to screening schedules, festival handbooks, daily bulletins and any manner of handouts.
Bluebird: An unsavoury presence, nevertheless an integral part of any film festival. Identified easily, they flock exclusively at screenings that feature nudity and sex. It must be said in their defence that they absolutely do not discriminate based on language, colour or nationality as long as the film is “right.”
Woodpecker Wannabe: Film school graduates, armed with a bohemian lifestyle and a head full of creative ideas. Their main aim is to peck out a niche in ‘Artfilmywood.’ These birds attend festivals basically to check out competition viz. Goddard, Fellini, Truffaut et al.
Woodpecker Wannabe Sr: Older version of WW, they can be distinguished by greying hair, paunches and spectacles. In theory they subscribe to the ideals and motivations of WW – the only difference is that they’ve been doing so for decades.
Post-holder Parakeet: The most easily agitated and excitable birds of the festival. Easily identified through special badges that adorn their chest. Concerned with smooth functioning of the festival, they are prone to flutter wings and dash about venues round the clock.
Visual Vulture: A recent evolutionary variant of the Media Mynah, this bird is armed with television cameras and a rod that is poked into the face of spectators and filmmakers for a “bite”. They swoop down in hordes at the hint of a celebrity presence, but usually are unable to watch a single film of the festival.
Hard-to-Swallow: These commercial cinema birds usually stay away from film festivals because they feel serious cinema is “boring” (and also because they lose out on awards to these filmmakers). However, a few swallows are forced to turn up because they hold official posts in film organisations. They are often characterised by a look of extreme unease.
Theory Thrush: After making one film of extraordinary splendour, these birds have been happy to rest on their laurels. Self-declared authorities on the theory of cinema, they have retired from the practical application of cinema. They thrive in the film festival atmosphere and are an active presence at debate forums.
Callous Crow: By a huge margin, this won our poll for the most unpopular bird of IFFK. CCs are more easily heard than seen. They hoot, squawk, squeal and yell in theatres for no reason at all. The IFFK employs strict measures to ensure these crows stay out, but somehow they always sneak in. (Note to IFFK officials: Try airguns this year.)
Geetika Sudip
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Metro Plus
Bangalore
Chennai
Coimbatore
Delhi
Hyderabad
Kochi
Madurai
Mangalore
Puducherry
Tiruchirapalli
Thiruvananthapuram
Vijayawada
Visakhapatnam
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