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Mwah-Mwah? No thank-you!

It’s that time of the year to pucker up and kiss, here are some tips on the art of air kissing



DE RIGUEUR Air kissing has taken the world by storm

Omigod, just a couple of weeks to go, and it will be time to welcome the New-Year! Which, goodness, leaves us all with a little less than 14 days to magic a lovely, shimmering, exceptionally slimming outfit; book a table in that uber-chic hotel, wher e, the word is out, that there are none available for love or money; make an elaborate list of politically correct New-Year resolutions, which nobody gives a fig about after the 2nd of Jan anyway. And, most importantly, practise saying “Dahling, you look so luvhly! Mwah-mwah.”

Yes, you read that right; it is mwah-mwah. Mwah, we’re given to understand, is that awfully funny sound that accompanies the so-nouveau, so Page 3 way of greeting acquaintances – the air-kiss, in which near-complete strangers walk up to each other, rub-cheeks, pucker their lips and go mwah-mwah in the general direction of each other’s ears.

This is, we’re told, fairly de-rigueur at beauty pageants, fashion shows and in the rarefied, upper echelons of society…

A rage

And now, for some strange reason, its all the rage in modern India, where, until recently, the only accepted forms of greeting were (a) falling at elders’ feet (b) folded-palm salutations (c) hurried hand-shakes (d) and if you were really hip, a barely-there hug.

But, if you thought air kissing was astraightforward procedure, perish the thought! It is a ‘social minefield’ (as a write-up in The Times, called it) .

The Romanians kiss just twice, while the Dutch do it thrice, starting with the left cheek; just picture the scene – when a Romanian meets a Dutch, the former draws back her neck after the second kiss, while the latter remains waiting for the third that never comes! Why, there is supposedly a lot of dissension even within France as to the number of mwah’s, depending on the region.

And when the French, who practically invented this whole la-di-dah thingy, are not quite sure how to go about it, what chance does the rest of mankind have?

So, instead of trying to de-mystify the complicated art, we will leave you with this very practical piece of advice to get you through the New Year parties, without having to sniff anybody’s ears.

Here’s the deal - the moment you see someone approaching you with an mwah-mwah air about them, just run in the opposite direction! Trust-me, you won’t regret it…

APARNA KARTHIKEYAN

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