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Just joking
Tourists in bus
A bus load of tourists arrives at Runnymede. They gather around the guide who says, “This is the spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta.” A fellow at the front of the crowd asks, “When did that happen?” “1215,” answers the guide. The man looks at his watch and says, “Damn! Just missed it by a half hour!”
The frightened tourist
The frightened tourist: “Are there any bats in this cave?” The guide: “There were, but don’t worry, the snakes ate all of them.”
New ticket technology
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo-of handcuffs.
Payback time
A woman died and found herself standing outside the Pearly Gates, being greeted by St. Peter. She asked him, “Oh, is this place what I really think it is? It’s so beautiful. Did I really make it to heaven?” To which St. Peter replied, “Yes, my dear, these are the Gates to Heaven. But you must do one more thing before you can enter.”
The woman was very excited, and asked of St. Peter what she must do to pass through the gates. “Spell a word,” St. Peter replied. “What word?” she asked. “Any word,” answered St. Peter. “It’s your choice.”
The woman promptly replied, “Then the word I will spell is love. L-o-v-e.” St. Peter congratulated her on her good fortune to have made it to Heaven, and asked her if she would mind taking his place at the gates for a few minutes while he took a break.
“I’d be honoured,” she said, “but what should I do if someone comes while you are gone?” St. Peter reassured her, and instructed the woman simply have any newcomers to the Pearly Gates to spell a word as she had done. So the woman is left sitting in St. Peter’s chair and watching the beautiful angels soaring around her, when lo and behold, a man approaches the gates, and she realises it is her husband. “What happened?” she cried, “Why are you here?”
Her husband stared at her for a moment, then said, “I was so upset when I left your funeral, I was in an accident. And now I am here? Did I really make it to Heaven?” To which the woman replied, “Not yet. You must spell a word first.” “What word?” he asked. The woman responded, “Czechoslovakia.”
SOURCE: INTERNET)
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