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JUST JOKING
On marriage
A couple who is engaged dies and goes to heaven. They ask St. Peter, “Is there such a thing as marriage in heaven?” Peter tells them he’ll get back to them.
Ten years later they finally get married but realise they weren’t meant for each other. So they ask St. Peter if there is such a thing as divorce in heaven.
St. Peter responds, “It took us 10 years to get a priest up here how long do you think it will take us to get a lawyer!”
***
They say marriage is a contract. No it’s not. Contracts come with warranties. When something goes wrong, you can take it back to the manufacturer.
If your husband starts acting up, you can’t take him back to his mama’s house and say, “I don’t know... he just stopped working. He’s just lying around making funny noises.”
***
What’s the punishment for bigamy?
Two mothers-in-law.
***
I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months -- I don’t like to interrupt her.
***
Losing a wife can be hard. In some cases it’s almost impossible.
***
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
***
I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
***
It’s not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
***
There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go through hell for her.
They got married and now he is going through hell.
***
“Honey,” said this husband to his wife, “I’ve invited a friend home for supper.”
“What? The house is a mess, I didn’t go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking a fancy meal!”
“I know all that.”
“Then why did you invite a friend for supper?”
“Because the poor fool’s thinking about getting married.”
***
A different world
Love - When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
Marriage - When you try to lose your spouse in a crowded room.
***
Love - When you argue over how many children to have.
Marriage - When you argue over whose idea it was to have kids.
***
Love - When you share everything you own.
Marriage - When the bank owns everything.
***
Love - When you only leave the house to buy coffee and croissants.
Marriage - When you leave the house only when you are allowed to.
***
A gentleman is one who never swears at his wife while ladies are present.
***
(Source: The Internet)
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Metro Plus
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