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Friends-in-law Dhaulat Nichani and Kaushalya Thadani

The mother-in-law in contrast remained the butt of popular jokes, was caricatured as nosy and interfering and her occasional visits were regarded with some dread.

Today’s mothers-in-law and their sons-in-law however are a different kettle of fish. The love and affection is pretty much intact.

Sudha Mahendra

It’s an easy, open relationship that exists. There is no standing on formalities, the communication is more direct and there are shared activities too.

Dhaulat Nichani 60, a businessman, says of his 76 year old mother-in-law Kaushalya Thadani: “She is a very good friend. Benevolent, philanthropic by nature you ask for something and you will get it.(the moon included ) We talk about a lot of things - worldly matters, children, spiritual topics etc. She is also one of the best cooks in the world. She doesn’t drink anymore but used to keep us company at one time.”

Arun Rao

Kaushalya Thadani says in a voice choked with emotion, “He is like a son to me ..When I gave my daughter in marriage I told him - whatever she is, she is yours and he accepted her. He is lots of fun and I share anything - happiness, sorrow and also seek moral support from him. Since I live overseas we talk every week and we meet once in 2 years.”

From the day he got engaged Renuka Sasikumar says her son-in-law Ramesh Kumar addresses her as Mummy. “He said there are so many aunties in the world and since he calls his mother Amma, Mummy is how he would like to call me.” An excellent cook whenever he comes to Chennai from Hyderabad he takes over the kitchen and asks her to stay out. While he does ask her opinion on certain matters, if she has a problem he always the right solution. What’s more he even messages her a thought for the day.

Says P. Ramesh Kumar an industrialist, “I don’t see my in-laws as in-laws but as parents. My mother-in-law is a wonderful human being, very people driven, with good intentions and never a bad word for anyone.”

Says Gita Menon, an executive, “Back then it was the girls who used to address their in-laws as Amma and Appa but my son-in- law calls me Amma and my husband Achan. Since I only have one daughter, he is the son I never had. We go partying together… I even dance with my son-in-law and he has tried to teach me to jive. The only thing I am wary about is my cooking since he is a chef.”

Sunil Menon and Gita Menon

Sunil Menon feels he has “a very young mother-in-law which nullifies the generation gap issue. In fact sometimes I feel I am more old fashioned than her as she is always full of life. I’ve played cricket with her and partied crazily too. She is a very hardworking and career focused individual who finds time to be involved in domestic matters as well. Being a person who understands the value of relationships and family ties she does everything to nurture the same.”

V. Arun Rao, the filmmaker son-in-law of Sudha Mahendra a former executive and actor Y. Gee Mahendra, says of his mother-in-law “We are very different but we support each other. She is deeply religious whereas I believe that religion and culture are two different things. While she is a peacemaker I am one helluva confrontationist. I am very quiet till an argument is big enough and when I do open my mouth I might say something quite tangential. A couple of times we have talked about what we believe in and why we think that way and have since given each other our space. But basically on a broad level we both believe in the same things - that you should let people be, that you can do anything as long as people don’t get hurt and if you think something is wrong it should be pointed out. There is nothing that we don’t openly discuss. We share a strong emotional connection. Initially she used to refer to me as mapillai and I almost went into panic mode. That phase lasted about half-an- hour. Then I told her to just call me Arun.”

Sudha Mahendra who describes her relationship with her “intelligent” son-in-law Arun as very friendly says he is very individualistic, has his own strong ideas and values, and is not very traditional in his approach. “But he is also very accepting.” What touches her most is the fact that he is an affectionate father and husband who treats his wife as an equal and is very supportive of her work.”

In-laws (or outlaws) are things of the past. Love and understanding are threads that run through this mother-son relationship minus the in-law appellation.

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