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Take a chill pill Rest, relax and rejuvenate

Today such ailments and worse have become commonplace. Men in their twenties have soaring blood pressure or drop dead in their tracks from heart attacks. I saw a lad being helped towards his neighbour’s car one morning. He swayed groggily at the door. Since he looked the right age to have been partying too hard the night before, I wondered idly whether it had been booze or pills. Neither. He had diabetes and his sugar level had plummeted.

Oh, this is bad. This is terrible. Without further delay I must deliver a lecture on The Youth of Today, Part II. Part I you must be quite familiar with, for it is a tedious complaint that old people have been droning on for generations: how self-centred youngsters are and how they never respect their elders and how deplorably their moral values have dipped. Part II, however, says the opposite. Lighten up. Don’t work so hard. Don’t take your bank balance so seriously. Give your body a break. Have a real holiday.

You may not agree with what I’m about to propose for it calls for a change in mindset. I suggest that your holiday home not be the kind you see in a brochure, with swimming pools and spas and air-conditioned cottages. It’s not a home away from home. It is home.

Got it? Don’t go haring off to Bangkok or Tahiti on your next vacation. Relax within the four walls of your own apartment. Perhaps I can drive home the point better if I speak the language of one of those self-help books you’re so fond of. Number One: Sloth equals Success. The lazier you are, the more successfully you de-stress. Number Two: Always put off for tomorrow what you don’t feel like doing today. This includes shaving, exercising, and clipping your toe nails. Number Three: Spend as much time as you can on thoroughly useless pursuits. Measure the inside of your home in hand-spans, for example, and when you’ve finished, do it in foot-lengths, saying “heel-toe, heel-toe, heel-toe”. Number Four: Never plan. Don’t make lists of things to do or places to go. Number Five: Keep your mobile phone switched off at all times. Number Six: Restrict hours at the computer to three a week.

It is the first day of your vacation. Get up late. But you know that already. To feel really decadent, read a novel and not the newspaper when you sip your morning beverage. You are permitted, however, to read the advertising leaflets that slip out of your daily. Here’s one for a new eatery in your neighbourhood. Free home delivery. Good. That takes care of brunch. Want to rent a DVD, next? There’s bound to be a shop not very far from where you live. Instead of reaching for your car keys, take a slow walk. Alternatively, catch a one o’clock show. The road to the cinema would be relatively less clogged at high noon so you won’t fret if you’re driving, and you’ll get a seat if you’re taking a bus.

You’re probably ravenous by now. Since it’s a working day for the rest of the world, the lunch crowd would have vanished from the restaurants and so you can eat in peace. As the clock ticks close to 4 p.m. you can do one of two things: go home to snooze, or make your way to the nearby park. The only point you have to remember is to head home before the commuters do. If you want to dawdle, do so until late night when traffic eases once again.

Now that I’ve drawn you a rough outline, use your imagination. Skip baths, have tea at four, watch cricket, play cards, visit exhibitions. That’s the spirit of a real vacation.

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