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WANTING IT ALL Having a secure marriage and a secure job can only double your joy

‘But what else can Sita do?’

Though a pretty, good-natured girl, Sita apparently didn’t show much interest in academics, and flunked out of school. Her doting parents then decided that marriage was the very thing, swiftly put together a bridal-trousseau and found her a groom.

And so, Sita now pins her hopes, dreams and aspirations, besides those of her unborn children, on a ‘boy’ a few years older than her, and not exceptionally qualified either. Of course, if all goes well, she will live the contented life of a happy housewife, taking pride in her children, and obeying every whim, not to mention fancy, of the lord and master of the house…

But, God forbid, if life doesn’t run its idyllic, smooth course, what then? Will ten sovereigns of precious yellow metal fashioned into earrings, necklaces and bracelets, and a scooter (or is Nano now the new scooter for the grooms?) stand her in good stead for the rest of her life?

Marriage, as an institution, particularly in the Indian context, isn’t exactly favourable towards women. When a woman gets married, and has a saccharine-sweet life, she is expected to be ‘grateful’ for every blessing; if the husband is a kind, devoted man, she is to send up a prayer to every deity known to mankind, every Tuesday and Friday; if the mom-in-law is only a demi-ogre, she must fast, thankfully, every Wednesday; if she has been “allowed” to work, she must count herself, of course with great humility, among the most fortunate women on the planet. And this is when things are good…

For if and when things sour, and life comes crashing down about her ears, she’s pretty much on her own.

Of course, her parents will be around to click their tongues, wipe her tears, and go ‘there, there’. But she’s got to, somehow, gather her wits about her and think of the future, of not only herself, but also the children.

And oh, there’s the niggling little problem of money; she’s got to, right away, fashion a career for herself, something that will net her enough to feed the children, and give them a decent education. And how is she supposed to manage all this when she had been married off, a naïve young thing, straight from the schoolroom?

Much more commonplace than you can imagine…

Now, if you dismiss young, blushing brides as something endemic in the lower-strata of society, among the not-so-well educated, you have a serious rethink coming.

Marriage is seen, even amongst the well heeled, as an economic lever, a step-up the social ladder, a security measure, something that should preferably be done before the ink so much as dries on the daughter’s degree certificate (it’s as if the girl is some delectable dairy product, sitting on the supermarket shelf, and she’s got to be picked up by the first eligible bachelor, long before her ‘sell-by’ date!).

And what would the girls – not exactly schooled to take on a well-paying job - do if their marriage, and with it the breadwinner, went out of their lives? Live off their parents? And after their time? On dole?

No, I agree, it’s not a very pleasant thought, certainly not the sort of nice cheery stuff to go with the morning cuppa; but, unfortunately, you can’t simply wish it away! It will stare at you in the face tomorrow, the day-after, and the next, until you address it… Besides, its really quite simple - all you need to do is convince every girl-child you know to please, please, take on something that will make her, in the future, economically self-reliant, independent of her father/husband/son…

And only then, to think of marriage.

Because, marriage can bring you great happiness, but real ‘security’ only comes with the ability to support yourself financially…

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