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Fading magic Don’t mistake physical attraction for lasting bond

“Your heart races at her very sight across the classroom or walking along with her friends. The only thing you do these days is trying to catch a glimpse of her day and night. You reach college early in anticipation, waiting for her. These are a few signs of a huge crush that gives a matchless high,” sighs out Varun, an engineering student, with a glazed look.

It’s just another case of falling hook, line and sinker for an attractive face or an elusive celebrity. This widespread phenomenon is infatuation, which in most cases is not reciprocated. It just could be blind-admiration and even if it is returned, the bubble lasts only as long as the next better option comes along. “If the object of your desire does not respond and has no romantic feelings for you, it hurts and bothers you and makes an impact on your day-to-day life and studies,” says Mythili, a tenth class student.

Ragini, software professional, points out: “I fell for this cool dude in my office who always appeared aloof. Though I gradually succeeded in gaining his attention, I soon realized that he was more interested in bikes and friends rather than girls.”

But the fascination continues letting your heart rule over your mind.

The emotions that overpower an individual while he or she is besotted however begin to fade when he ultimately finds his love. Feelings of panic, uncertainty, overpowering lust, feverish excitement, impatience and jealousy engulf you when infatuated. The unique thrill, the state of not being happy, wanting to trust and yet suspicious is commonplace for those haunted by an attractive face. There are lingering, nagging doubts that add misery.

According to psychologists and researchers, when infatuated, the individual experiences a surge of dopamine that rushes through the brain causing a feel good factor. Norepinephrine flows through the brain stimulating production of adrenaline (pounding heart). Phenylethalimine (found in chocolate) creates a feeling of bliss. Irrational romantic sentiments may be caused by oxytocin that creates feelings of emotional attachment. “Together these chemicals sometimes override the brain activity that governs logic,” says Arpita, a postgraduate in human psychology.

People who jump from relationship to relationship may be craving for the intoxicating effects of these substances and are tagged as “infatuation junkies”. When the chemical flood dries up, the relationship either moves into a loving romantic one or there is disillusionment and the bond ends.

There are different ways to combat this malady inflicted by cupid’s aimless bows. It is difficult but worth a try. Rationalize-is it worth the heartache? Stop fantasizing as the dreams may not come true. Refocus and keep yourself busy with your daily routine, friends, go shopping, chores, hobbies or focus on your educational or career goals. Look at the bright side- you will keep having them irrespective of age. They are just like soap suds here now gone the next second. So why not enjoy your present crush and move on to the next without heartbreak! The earlier you realise that it’s a crush and condition yourself to snap out of it, the better it will be for you in the future. The wonder of it is to understand that. Remember the beauty of love begins, when infatuation ends.

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