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The parent trap
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Is it technique or instinct that makes parenting effective? Maybe, a bit of both, learns Subha J Rao
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Photo: Nagara Gopal
NO KIDDING! Parents too attend workshops on how to raise their children
Everyday, the newspapers carry stories of how some parents or super-speciality institutions have, with their intensive coaching, produced whiz kids.
But, what happens to kids who are normal, and behave their age?
And more important, what about their parents who, overcome by guilt, are driven to the nearest whiz school to transform their wards into geniuses too? A lot of them have taken to attending parenting workshops.
Changing order?
Is good ole parenting out, and has it been replaced by new techniques and statistics?
Probably, says Maitreyi, grandmother of a seven-year-old. “All we did was follow what we saw our elders do. An occasional spanking was okay. But no, we never pushed a child from class to class,” she says, wondering why her granddaughter is being forced to attend a different class every day of the week.
Pushing kids
But, it is not just about parents. “It is the system that tends to make them push the kids harder,” says Purni Krishnakumar, consultant special educationist.
She points out, “Twenty years ago, 60 per cent (marks) was considered good. Not anymore.”
Swaminathan K., Managing Director and CEO, Aspire Superkidz, Coimbatore, says parenting workshops are a direct result of the increasing number of nuclear families.
“People don’t know what parenting is all about anymore. The inputs of grandparents are important in bringing up a child. However, parents now tend to outsource everything, including day care, even if they are not working. They should understand that parenting is all about emotional bonding. Any problems there result in tantrums and other problems,” he explains.
The parenting workshops, he says are like corporate training sessions.
But, he says, “It is wonderful as long as it lasts. But, you have to put it into practice.” Swaminathan says the way out is to go back to the old methods.
The joys of childhood
It is to take care of such issues that Divyam Academy of Values (Coimbatore) recently launched a parents association.
The association is spearheaded by Chitra, a home-schooling mom, and it believes that there is more to childhood than preparing kids for a successful career.
Shobana Kumar, professor and mother of two, and a member of the association, says parenting has changed because society has changed too.
“It is no longer possible to just follow your instinct. The world around is not the same. So, we have a responsibility to protect children from such influences.”
Also, says Purni, parenting is not as instinctive as we would like to believe it is. A lot of it is learnt.
Everything has a price
“This generation of parents is fear-driven. They are worried about the kids’ future. But, always remember that we should be aware of the price we pay for such desires. Discipline and work are essential, but don’t overdo it so that the fun goes out of childhood.”
The bottom line?
“Parents should enjoy their children. That is why we had them, no?” asks Purni.
Parenting Tips
Enjoy your children
Create emotional bonds
Protect kids from outside influences
Reduce pressure on children
Practise workshop tips
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