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Photo: Sushil Kumar Verma

BEST FRIENDS Build your marriage on friendship

What keeps a marriage alive and stimulated? Romance? Passion? Commitment? Sacrifice? Not really. A deeper and intimate study into marriage has revealed friendship is the mantra for a long and lasting married life. Marriage and friendship do complement each other and enhance the relationship.

Friendship is thus the key to a happy married life. It is said to rekindle and bring back romance and intimacy. But can a couple be friends and married partners at the same time?

“Why not”, emphasises Mallika a homemaker, married for 30 years, “the romance, the passion wanes after a certain time. It is then that a couple realises that forging a deep friendship can make the marriage not just more fulfilling but can also revive deep feelings for each other.”

Husband Jayanand agrees and says, “As in any relationship it is friendship that nourishes a marriage and prevents it from getting dull.”

Yet somehow from our perception spouses and friends stand at extreme ends of the pole. We refuse to see them in the same light. So how do we make our spouses our friends? Won’t the process be awkward and clumsy?

“Not at all,” feels Flowery who has been married for 15 years, “If you have the right attitude and if there is equality in your marriage then it can be quite easy and natural. Unlike friends we always take our spouses for granted. We overlook and never appreciate the daily chores and acts of kindness but notice them only if they are not done.” Hubby David feels, “Marriage and friendship go hand in hand only if there is free and constant communication as in friendship. We should share with our spouses our deepest feelings, fears and apprehensions as we would do with our friends. Fights are common in marriages. But they should make the couple understand each other better and not estrange them.”

Every marriage thus has problems. But the more we focus on problems the more problems we see.

With a strong bond of friendship problems seem of little consequence and can be easily overcome.

The happiest couples are the sensible ones who communicate the most by doing little things to stay connected. Yet happy marriages these days seem so rare. With divorces and marriages competing to top the chart, couples today enter married life with a cautious but level-headed outlook.

Kailash and Chikku, a young couple married for just two years approach things realistically but optimistically.

Kailash says, “One should enter matrimony with a practical approach. The honeymoon period never lasts. With the arrival of kids and other responsibilities couples tend to drift apart.

This should be viewed as a natural process and not looked upon with alarm. However, the relationship can be made more satisfying if the couple appreciates each other as in a friendship. If a couple builds upon its friendship the relationship can be mutually satisfying.”

Chikku adds, “After a certain period the couple enters into a rhythm. Their tastes, views, opinions etc merge.Thus the transition into friendship would be an easy and natural process.”

A solid friendship can bring back the glow in marriage. From friendship, love will bloom again.

HEMJIT BHARATHAN

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