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The husband had just finished reading a new book titled You Can Be The Man of Your House. He stormed into the kitchen and announced to his wife, “From now on, you need to know That I am the man of this house and my word is law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who’s going to dress and comb my hair?

The wife replied, “The funeral director would be my first guess.”

I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of every banjo-playing geek on “Hee Haw.”)

There’s a slight difference in our ages. (You are one Jurassic geezer.)

I’m not attracted to you in that way. (You are the ugliest dork I have ever laid eyes upon.)

My life is too complicated right now. (I’m waiting for a rich sugar daddy.)

I don’t date men where I work. (Hey, bud, I wouldn’t even date you if you were in the same solar system, much less the same building.)

It’s not you, it’s me. (It’s not me, it’s you.)

I’m concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and as my job has got to be better than you.)

I’m celibate. (One look at you and I’m ready to swear off men altogether.)

Single women claim that all the good men are married, while all married women complain about their lousy husbands.This confirms that there is no such thing as a good man.

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