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New baby, new bonds

PHOTO: K. Ramesh Babu

BE REALISTIC They must realise that each child reacts differently to the addition of a sibling

Sagarika and her husband have a fiveyear- old daughter and Sagarika is expecting her second baby. They are concerned that their daughter may be jealous of the new baby. How should they handle the situation?

Telling your child about the newbaby

There are no real rules about how you break the news to your child about the new baby. If your first child is still very young, he or she might not quite understand the concept of waiting for months till the baby arrives. You might wake up every day to be bombarded by the same question, "Has the baby come yet?"

How your child handles the news depends on the age and the size of the extended family. If the child has been the centre of attention in a small nuclear family, he may find it hard to give up his place. Sibling jealousy and rivalry is a fact of life. By preparing your child, you may be able to lessen it even if you cannot do away with it completely.

The age of the child

If your child is two to three years old, he might tend to be more possessive of your affections and might find it hard to `share' you.

A four-five year-old child finds it easier to share because he has already learnt to deal with other children in school. If the child is six or older, he might want to be informed about all that is happening and might be very interested in helping out . Regardless of the age, parents have to be realistic

Involve your child in the pregnancy

If your child is small, but old enough to understand the concept of another baby, tell him around the third month of your pregnancy. Of course, if your child is older and understands your conversations, tell him as early as possible .

Take your child to the antenatal checkups so that he feels involved in the entire process. Let your child help in picking stuff for the new arrival. Encourage your child to come up with names Do not influence the child to say that he specifically wants a sister (or a brother).

Encourage him to say that he wants a baby and it does not matter whether it is a boy or a girl. When you keep stressing that you want the baby to be of the opposite sex , he might feel that you don't appreciate him. He may resent the new baby.

Involve your child in the hospital

Make arrangements for your child to be taken care of when you are in hospital. You must also prepare the child for the separation Let your first child come and visit you as soon as possible.

Your child will want to touch and feel the baby. Do not get agitated and angry. Let him gently touch the baby . Explain that the new baby is very fragile and needs gentle handling. Give him all the hugs and reassurances he needs.

After bringing the baby home

When you come home, reserve some time for your first child. If your child sulks and throws a tantrum, be patient and calm. Do not lose your temper.

Be firm and allow the child to calm down. If the child continues to be aggressive, do not leave him alone with the baby. The aggression will lessen eventually. You have to be patient.

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