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Too close for comfort?
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How do you put up with a home-bound man?
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Home for good? Allowances should be made to help the retired man cope
At 53, K. Latha is at that stage of her career when everything seems settled and streamlined. Work is a pushover, but guess what, she is going through retirement blues. Well, not hers, but her husband’s. The truth is, quite a number of women admit to feeling uneasy and frustrated when their husbands become home-bound and stop going to work.
Heard of the retired husband syndrome (RHS)? RHS is a tangible psychosomatic, stress-related illness with symptoms such as depression, ulcers and high blood pressure. This syndrome was first identified by Dr. Nobuo Kurokawa in 1991. RHS is estimated to occur in 60 per cent of Japan’s older female population, and is one of the leading causes of divorce among older couples there.
“Post retirement, my husband seems permanently clad in a faded lungi, which puts me off. He seems to think he has to make himself presentable only when he steps out of home,” says 50-year-old Lakshmi Viswam. She adds: “More irksome is his penchant for nagging about the household and career.” It becomes worse when husbands show no inclination to share household work even after retirement.
Well, when a man is home for good, there is more time for interaction, more time for witnessing his (and your) many irritating traits.
There are going to be issues that had all along been glossed over. “Psychological adjustments will have to be made,” says Sarogini Varadhan, a counsellor. First, one must understand that after having been busy for so many years, there’s suddenly a vacuum in the man’s life. “Help him adjust to it.
Appreciate and seek his help in getting errands done,” she suggests. Since most men define themselves by their work, they feel insecure without the identity their career gives them. Hence, they should be encouraged to take up a part-time job or sign up for a course.
As Indian women often continue working even after their husband’s retirement, RHS is an issue that stares them in the face. A lot depends on how tactful the woman is.
Well, when you work your whole life, and stop all of a sudden, it does create a tremor; just don’t let it rock your life.
HEMA VIJAY
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