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Of Manodharma and the art of parenting
SUNITHA CHAVALY
A few days ago, I read an article on Manodharma — a facet of Carnatic music wherein the musician improvises on the spot within the framework of well-established rules of raga and bhaava. Letting creative ideas take flight while still within the bounds of certain traditions — this concept of Manodharma set me thinking, oddly, about parenting and the art of bringing up children.
There is a lovely little cradle song by Alfred Tennyson about a baby bird entreating its mother to allow her to leave the nest as the mother cajoles the baby to stay in the nest till her wings are strong. Technology and the media are of immense help in today’s world. But without proper guidance, television, internet and other interactive electronic devices create an impression of “take, take and take more” and instant gratification in children.
Parents should create awareness in their children about the family’s values and culture. In this, the parents should, to use a clichéd term, walk the talk. Children observe and learn more than they hear and learn. If a child remembers its parents when thoughts of compassion and integrity cross the mind then the parents’ job is well done.
Children need love and assurance the most when they deserve it the least. Let them know that faltering and missteps are okay. They should not be admonished for failing but should be inspired to set new and higher goals. A good value system, strong ethics, knowledge that whatever successes/failures the kid encounters, its parents would always approve of its trials are the anchors of a life well led.
A sense of belonging
A child’s inborn sense of wonder will remain forever and his curiosity to unravel secrets kindled in the companionship of parents who can share the joy, excitement and mystery of the world we live in. Parents should nurture a sense of belonging in their children; whatever happens/in any storm we are there for you — should be the message.
If the child grows up to be someone who cares just a little for humanity, lends a helping hand even in a small way and discharges his or her duties honestly then those parents are an unqualified success.
Back to the cradle song — when the baby’s wings are stronger, then she flies away. The mamma bird lets her baby go. The same should be true with humans. As the child grows older, parents should give way to the child’s interests and its choices in life.
Parents have their own dreams and wishes about their children but in all probability they might not come true. Children will make terrible blunders, face disappointments and hurts of every kind in search of their dreams. Parents should realise that it is all a process of growing up. Every knock the child takes hurts the parents more. But if and when the children attain their dreams without compromising their values then there will be no happiness greater than theirs in all creation.
Caring detachment
It is a very well known fact that children will not grow based on set rules. There are no hard and fast ways in which children can be groomed. Love and patience during the childhood and a sense of caring detachment during adulthood are the key to successful parenting. After all, parenting is not all about bringing up children; it is a process of self-discovery and growth for the parents too. I deeply feel that both the child and parents are perfected during the journey of life.
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