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Disconnected connections
V. BENEDICT SANTOSH
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The cosmopolitan youngster, lacking the space to open out to somebody, looks up to social networking systems to vent his feelings
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It was so cute to see Kavya sitting along with her mother in front of the computer and chatting with her emigrant-worker father over the webcam. Though not as cute as the toddler, it was surprising to see 12-year old Reuben browsing through the web pages with ease. Kavya and Reuben are perhaps just two of the millions of techno-savvy children in the world. Cute, as it is, to see baby hands gliding on mouse pads with a click here and a click there, this phenomenon has produced an avalanche effect in the difficulties in child-rearing.
The ‘Orkut deaths’, the two tragic deaths of the teenager, Adnan Patrawala and the gory killing of Koushambi Layek, are glaring instances of the ill-effects of the over-familiarity of children with the new media.
In both cases, it was discovered that the victim had disclosed a lot of personal information on the social networking systems, which they would not have otherwise revealed to anybody. They had confided personal information on their love, desire, affection, family’s wealth and much more. This, in turn, lured potential threats to these young victims and finally led to their gruesome death.
Frantic statements
One wonders why youngsters pour out so much information on their personal lives in what is obviously a ‘no-privacy’ zone. Could these fads be the manifestation of a more serious psychosocial reality? Statements like ‘Nobody understands me’, ‘My parents do not vibrate with me’, ‘None of my friends shares my chemistry’ are far too commonly heard. It does not at once mean that these frantic statements of young adults and adolescents are heard only in the very recent past. On the contrary, even as early as 1944, Anne Frank, in her diaries, speaks about how ‘nobody understands her.’ Or for that matter one can trace the roots of such statements to the origin of humanity. For as long as adolescence existed such fervent cries also existed.
But these utterances are more a projection of the uncertainties of their identity on others, than the failure of those living in the vicinity, to understand them. It is understood that all adolescents imminently struggle with their transition from childhood to adulthood.
They want to enjoy the freedom of adulthood while at the same time shun the responsibility that adulthood demands. However any amount of persuasion and explanation cannot rid them of this struggle. The consoling fact is that it is quite possible to ease the traumatic transition.
The difference between then and now is that the immediate surrounding of the adolescents had a know-how of how to deal with them. This was facilitated by the fact that, in the yesteryear, there was the possibility of rustic wisdom being passed over from generation to generation by means of the joint family system. Even otherwise, the proximity of relatives and the concerned neighbours of all generations made the transfer of knowledge on child rearing to those of the nearest kin.
On the other hand, the modern nuclear families and the cosmopolitan ‘who cares’ culture — wherein the neighbour next door is as emotionally disconnected from the other as the two poles of the earth — pose challenges on several fronts. As mentioned earlier, the lack of interchange of knowledge and rustic wisdom is one of the major casualties.
The numerous inconveniences could be considered a blessing in disguise too. The lacklustre transport facilities and the conspicuously absent modern communication opportunities restricted the adolescents’ scope for indulgence.
Their sources of information were restricted to their peer group, teachers, parents and their kin. But the climate has changed now and there is an information technology explosion, many of which are not socially conscious or accountable. The umpteen pornographic sites vindicate this claim.
Too much too early
Thus there is always the possibility of too much too early. This exposes the adolescents to a lot of inadequacies. Yet another fallout of the limited opportunities available in the past was that the adolescents were always monitored by their neighbours intentionally or otherwise. Though this could be interpreted as ‘creeping in on privacy,’ these social censures helped in mitigating the possible threats that an adolescent might face.
Of late, counsellors and psychotherapists point out to the lack of quality time spent in families. The time spent on conversation has shrunk, thanks to the increase in time spent in front of the television.
Consequently, the channel for more serious talk and personal sharing between the family members is also disrupted. That, in turn, has resulted in parents knowing their children very little, leave alone understanding them. As a result, children seek other means of expression. Peer group conversations most often do not transcend the level of banter, ill-informed inquisitive talk on sexuality, gossips on latest movies, discussion on the latest gadgets and perhaps a chat on cricket matches.
Even this is a rarity because of the tightly packed schedules in schools and colleges followed by other skill-development courses and co-curricular activities. This is very typical of a cosmopolitan culture.
All these ultimately mean that the cosmopolitan youngster does not have the space to open out to somebody. This is the context in which adolescents look up to social networking systems in order to vent their feelings, doubts and their uncertainties. Social networking systems give them a place to open their struggles, views and ‘news’ and are assured that there is someone out there who is listening to you.
Pseudo emotional security
Simultaneously, there is the pseudo emotional security of not having to get into any commitment. These assumptions and allurements make them expose their private life threadbare. By the time their notions fall in place, it becomes a case of ‘too little too late.’ This was what transpired in the case of Adnan and Koushambi’s death.
The remedy to the challenges posed by contemporary information technology outburst is not to lobby for the cessation of social networking systems or to boycott such media, but a better alternative is to educate children on the discretion needed in the use of such technology.
It cannot be disputed that parents need to take responsibility for their wards. They surely need to know what their kids are up to on the ‘world wide web,’ a web in every sense of the word. A pre-requisite of this is establishing a close bond with their offspring and the need to spend quality time in familial conversation. All these initiatives will help orient our youngsters and nurture in them a sense of resourcefulness.
(The writer is a Scholastic in the Juniorate of the Society of Jesus, Thiruvananthapuram)
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