Overcoming tragedy

The moment Fred started looking at himself from another perspective, the whole dynamics of his healing changed ... Beginning a new column on inner healing by T.K.V. DESIKACHAR .

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Healing is not just about medicine and technology. It also involves the human spirit, represented by relationships and faith. Often a person's physical state reflects the mental agonies he/she is undergoing. A simple solution would be to tap the dormant resources each one of us has. This is neither complicated nor impossible. It requires us to be receptive to the forces within us and let them help us heal ourselves.

In this column are case studies of those who have triumphed over various internal conflicts by getting in touch with their inner selves. Names of the patients have been changed to respect their trust.

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"I HAVE lost everything," sobbed Fred. "My wife, whom I loved, is dead. Why should I live any longer?" Fred broke into uncontrollable tears as he sat in my office in Chennai. The sun was shining, but it was all darkness for this New York-based financial wizard. Fred was in his forties, and had been happily married to Melissa for over 15 years. His wife had also been a successful businesswoman and had inherited her parents' money as well. Money had not mattered in their married life, which became more fun with the arrival of their daughter Julia, a few years ago.

Everything went well for them till a routine medical test revealed that Melissa had cancer. She died within three months of diagnosis. Fred's sorrow affected his life and his daughter's as well. His family took him to various types of healers - medical professionals, psychotherapists, family counsellors - but nothing seemed to help him. Fred had a fortune in his bank, but no life to live for.

Close friend Jim, a yoga teacher, suggested that he meet me. Jim has been my student for over two decades and thought it would do Fred good to take a break and come to India. A change of place, coupled with our interaction, could find some solution for Fred, he felt.

So here we were in my thatched roof office. Fred would repeat the two lines and weep. It was a while before he recovered. Then he said, "Do you think I have a chance?"

I asked Fred about his life - from his college days, how he met Melissa and how he had built up his company from practically nothing. I was amazed that the company he had founded with just $500 was now a multi-million dollar one. I asked Fred: "What do you like to do?" To this, he retorted, "Nothing. I have lost what I loved."

I continued: "I know Melissa is No. 1, but what did both of you like to do?" His eyes lit up and he talked of how they had gone hiking all over the world. He said, "It was one of our dreams to climb every mountain range in the world. Sadly, we never got to realise it." Saying this, Fred became quiet and shut his eyes.

"Fred, you wanted to know if you had a chance. Here is what I want you to do. Will you do it?" I asked the quiet, but strong, man. "What do you want me to do?" he asked. I said, "Take with you, the same amount you had when you started your company - $500 - and hike in the Sierra Nevada for two months. Manage with the bare minimum, and remember do not take your credit card or mobile phone. Do this and then decide whether you have a chance or not." Fred returned to New York and organised his work so that he could be away for two months.

His journey began and he was busy hiking in the mountains, with $500 in his pocket and a rucksack on his back. On this journey, he met a number of poor people, as he could stay only in simple places. He spoke with many and, slowly, he began to share his story as he heard theirs.

He noticed that many of them had lost their spouses or family members merely for lack of financial support and access to medical care. Melissa had had the best medical help, but it had not helped. He saw that there were people who needed help, but were without resources.

As he progressed through this journey, he began to dream of his wife. She kept telling him: "I am with you, please be happy." The dreams got stronger and one day she told him: "Find someone to live with and treat her like you did me." This came very strongly at the end of his two-month journey.

On his return to New York, he started a non-profit organisation to help people with cancer and donated all the wealth he had inherited from his wife to this cause. Later he met Alice, who reminded him of Melissa. Fred told her his story and Alice seemed the perfect gift for him. Alice and Fred are now happily married. He is back in his business.

Now, what helped Fred? Was it his journey, his meeting with me or something else? Can I take the credit of healing him? No. I cannot and I would be a liar if I claimed to have done so.

It was his receptiveness to look at himself and his life differently. Through his journey, he opened his eyes to the human spirit, due to his interactions with people during his trek. The moment he started looking at himself from another perspective, the whole dynamics of his healing changed. His despair was replaced by a new life and a will to help those in need. These things brought life back to Fred.

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