Walk a mile in their shoe - The New E-Quantum Requirement

Quantum Jumps

It isn't enough anymore to sympathise, the magic word is empathy! This is because the sympathy that we offer is tinged with pity, which, in this day and age is politically incorrect. You need, as a `today' person to actually feel the angst and suffering of the person who needs your support. Your `E'-quotient is not merely the emotional quotient; it's the Empathy Quantum!

Flexibility comes naturally when you look at things through the eyes of the beholder. To feel what they feel, is to experience their thoughts and to gain an insight into their raison d'etre. Negotiation becomes a cinch when you learn to empathise with your counterpart, to see the world as he sees it so that you can begin to anticipate his queries and needs and be able to lend your intellect to the solutions that will make all the difference to him! Everybody today wants to have their feelings acknowledged and appreciated by others. Gone are the simpler yesterdays when people kept to themselves and guarded their feelings with stiff upper lips and played cricket with a straight bat! While old diehards like myself might rue the bygone days of the strong, silent (and suffering!) senior, the desperate desire of the modern executive to externalise their miseries and woes leaves them open to the empathising capability of a smart negotiator! Empathy creates the best environment for successful negotiation. Master the skill of creative empathy and you can be certain that you'll get your way at the negotiating table! Consider the case of a disgruntled executive who feels he is not sufficiently compensated for the long hours of work he puts in, giving him chapter and verse about how much more his better paid colleague does in less time will not help him in the least. It will do wonders if you empathise with him first, telling him you know how he feels and that, on the surface it does seem unfair but on mature reflection it could be equitably explained, and that, perhaps if he modified his own approach, the chances would be good for him to do as well! You may not leave him jumping in proverbial joy, but at least he will be a lot less disgruntled! He will be willing to listen, and perhaps, who knows may make the effort to improve his own productivity.

Great actors delve into the roles they assay. They feel the part, they touch the part, and they become the part. One cannot feel for another person unless you enter into his persona. It does help if you have experience these pains and pangs yourself so that you can imagine it in others. Similarly, feeling happiness for someone is possible only when you have experienced it yourself! When others feel the sad depression of loss, simulate the same feeling in yourself, remember the same state you were in, and provide the valuable support he needs. I do not suggest faking it, but you cannot truly empathise unless you have experienced the loss, or the joy yourself at some time.

Another way of doing this is to find out more about e-quantum jumping by reading books that stimulate you to an expression of emotion, be it joy or sadness. Such books help you stay in touch with your innermost feelings and will allow you to feel for others as well!

Emotions and empathising were once upon a time, the province of the gentler sex. Today there is no gentler sex, or looked at from another vantage, both sexes are less resilient and are more soft- centred, having been told that putting on a brave face is not the pre-requisite to successful career growth. We are asked to externalise our anger and come out in open conflict should the need arise. Taking issue with heat and annoyance seems de rigueur, as indeed is the display of the softer side of one's personality. Apparently no one will take advantage of your displayed vulnerability because the unwritten code is that no one touches on these spots. Manipulation is out, and gentle caring is in, but that does not mean you do not give in to others' will. You maintain your point of view, but you do it having regard and respect for the other's feelings. You do not leave yourself open to attack, you merely display the humanness of yourself without subtracting from your strength of purpose and conviction. Being in touch with you feelings is good because you can have a clearer idea of how others feel, and if you do that you will find that getting your way is facilitated far better than before. Walking a mile in their shoes will help to know where it pinches and where you can leverage your relief!

Deeds are more important!

Merely saying things will not convince anyone, except, perhaps temporarily. Everybody needs to follow their words of empathy with action.

Only then will credibility be established. As a manager, leading from the front is important so leading includes showing the way. Merely mouthing terms of empathetic value only clears the snow, it does nothing to cut the ice! You have to lead by example and that you can do if you provide positive action that underlines what you have said.

S.Ramanujacharya