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No strings attached?

Young women are making conscious choices whether or not to wear it all the time

TO WEAR OR NOT Women are conscious about wearing the mangalsutra all the time

The mangalsutra (`mangal' meaning `auspicious' and `sutra' meaning `thread' or `knot'), a unique piece of jewellery symbolising marriage that was traditionally tied around the bride's neck by the husband at the wedding, was never usually removed in the lifetime of the bride. But like all traditions, this custom too is changing. While it is still tied around the neck of the bride at the wedding, the young women of today are making conscious choices whether or not to wear it all the time. Some are putting it away for compelling reasons. Fear that ill luck will befall them does not deter them from removing it. For, they prefer to listen to the voice of reason.

Deepa Sundararaman, manager in a litigation consulting firm in Washington D.C., says, "Actually I wear the mangalsutra on and off. I have been married only for two-and-a-half years, so ask me again after five years and I will tell you if I still wear it. I like wearing it because it is part of my tradition and it symbolises something I treasure — the wedding and my husband — but I don't feel it is wrong not to wear it. It's a symbol after all and not a substitute for what it symbolises."

But this does not cut ice with everyone. Says Divya Kumar, an executive in an MNC, says, "I have worn it on the day of my marriage and one day after that. I don't believe in symbolism nor am I emotionally attached to it."

Neither do these young women consider the mangalsutra an expression of their commitment. According to them, commitment is in the mind and not proven by what one wears. .

Deepali Sud Varma, who works in the social development sector, says, "I don't wear it at all. Being a Punjabi, there is no compulsion. It's more like a fashion statement (thanks to the TV serials). Even if it is, I probably won't wear it, as I don't need to have something around my neck to show I am committed to somebody."

Pavithra Jaivant, business analyst, who has put her mangalsutra away safely in the locker, remarks, "Feeling married and behaving like you are married and committed is more important than just wearing a mangalsutra."

Apart from reasons of conviction, is there a practical problem wearing the mangalsutra because it does not gel with western clothes, or clutters the neck if worn with other jewellery?

"Yes. I don't wear it when it clashes with my silver jewellery or when I wear a low-necked blouse. I got a micro thali done — smaller in size, lightweight and fixed it on a slender gold chain rather than the traditional rope," says Deepa Sundararaman.

Pavithra Jaivant feels it is unsafe to wear the mangalsutra especially these days as so much crime is taking place everywhere. And besides it does not go well with modern jewellery like white gold, which is what she likes to wear to work.

Sometimes women are left with no choices like Shakuntala Peter, a retired librarian who is over 75 and is allergic to gold. "I take it off at bedtime. In the beginning, people were horrified but gradually they understood."

Aruna Subramaniam, management consultant, says, "When I go swimming or on a holiday, I take it off. It's not subjugation if you wear it nor is it liberation if you take it off."

Saraswathi Ramdas, a homemaker who believes in tradition, says she had no choice but to remove her mangalsutra when she underwent a neck surgery. As the wound took time to heal, she couldn' t wear it. "My mother-in-law was very understanding and asked me to wait till the wound healed," she says.

How do other families react? Divya Kumar says her mother-in-law has no objection because her husband shares the same conviction. "However if I am visiting my in-laws and people are going to fault her because of my decision, I will wear it for the sake of her happiness." While Aruna Subramaniam maintains it's ultimately a matter of individual choice, Deepa Sundararaman remarks, "I feel that other than the symbol aspect, it is a pretty piece of jewellery, one that's admired by my friends. And when I explain to them that it is the equivalent of their wedding ring, they are wowed."

SUDHA UMASHANKER

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